Right a Wrong
by ShyNoMore
Summary: Bella's put her past behind her and found the happiness she wants. Unfortunately, the past doesn't always want to stay there and the present doesn't always handle it well. We all make mistakes but will Bella's be irrevocable?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: This is the first story that's been able to make its way out of my head onto paper. Please let me know what you think.

Big thanks to Cougar and Celeste for their help, support and unending encouragement! Luv you ladies!

The Prologue takes place in the present. Upcoming chapters will go back in time to build the story and, eventually, we'll end up here again so we can move forward.

Bella will tell this story in her own words but, on occasion, others might feel the need to share and when they do, I'll let you know.

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****Prologue**

"Bella? Bella, you can't let this happen, you've got to do something!" Alice's voice snapped me out of my reverie and immediately my eyes focused on the yellow envelope on the table next to her. How long had it been there? My mind was cloudy and I tried to sort through the fog, desperate to remember how long it had been since my life had ended.

I clearly remembered the doorbell ringing and the handsome man in the brown jacket who had been standing on my front porch. He was young with curly blond hair and bright blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled. "Isabella Cullen?" he'd asked with a grin. I nodded. And then, with a few harmless words, he had broken my heart. "I have a package for you. Please sign here."

In truth, it wasn't his words that changed everything. It was the fact that my eyes were already glued to the large envelope he was holding and the return address I could clearly read. Of course, I knew what it was. I had been expecting it to arrive. But in true Bella fashion, I had convinced myself that I still had time, that things would somehow work themselves out.

In that moment, I wanted to slam the door in his face, to run back into the house and pretend I hadn't seen it. But I am a practical person and, even as the panic began to overtake me, I realized he was only doing his job. It was not his fault that things had gone so horribly wrong. So I signed on the line with a trembling hand and took the envelope as he handed it to me. Almost immediately, it felt like my fingers were burning and I thought my heart would beat a hole in my chest.

I closed the door quickly, but without slamming it, even then wanting to be polite to this young man who had darkened my day. But as soon as it was closed, I sank to the floor, letting the envelope fall as I pulled my knees tightly to my chest. And I sobbed. Loud, guttural sounds that I didn't think could possibly come from me, escaped my lips and tears flowed so quickly and thickly from my eyes that I couldn't see. My body quaked involuntarily with every sob as I sat there limply. I stayed in that position for an eternity. Time meant nothing and passed slowly. At some point, although I have no recollection of doing so, I must have moved from my position at the front door to my current position on the sofa, where I lay in a tight ball willing all of this to be a bad dream.

I don't recall if I brought the envelope in and put it on the table or whether Alice had done that, my brain was refusing to cooperate in that regard. I do have some vague memories of the phone ringing and hearing the silky voice I loved so much on the answering machine. "You have reached the Cullen residence. We can't take your call at the moment. Please leave us a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible" the voice promised. And I sobbed harder.

It was Charlie, my dad, who called first. "Bella, how are you? I haven't talked to you in a couple of days. Give me a call." I loved Charlie beyond reason, but I couldn't make myself get up even though the phone was only a few feet away. After that, I remember there were more calls, although I can't say whether they came one right after the other or with large spans of time between them. I recall that one was from Alice – "Hey girl, call me back!" Then Charlie again "Bells, is everything alright? Please call me". Still I could not make myself get up. Things were quiet for a while after that. I realize now that Charlie must have called Alice because somehow she was here. She didn't even bother to call me a second time, she just came over. That was so typically Alice!

Obviously she used her key to get in because all of a sudden there she was, standing by the table, looking down at that awful yellow envelope and trying to talk to me. It brought back a fleeting memory of Alice insisting we give her a key to the house. "I'm always over here anyway, it'll just make all our lives easier" she'd said and, right now, that seemed so long ago.

I struggled to focus, to remember how many times I had seen the sun and how many dark, dreary nights had passed since that blond-haired boy had been at my door. Because I had not slept, I was exhausted and this made everything more confusing. Near as I could tell, it must be Sunday although whether it was morning or afternoon was still a mystery.

I clearly remember that the letter had arrived on Friday morning. It was still unopened.

"Bella?" Alice spoke my name in the form of a question. She was in front of me now, sitting on the coffee table in order to be at my level as I lay on the sofa. "Bella" she tried again and stroked my hair. And, with that touch, a fresh torrent of tears began. She held me close, hugging me to her even harder as the sobs became uncontrollable. Little Alice, so small and frail looking, the best sister-in-law and greatest friend I had ever had, held me tight enough to calm my tremors and, eventually, my tears dried up once again.

"Look at me, Bella" she said as she put her hands on either side of my face, trying to get me to focus on her. She glared intently at me but the fog clouded my eyes and the unbearable sadness had stolen my words. I could not respond because I knew that if I tried to speak to her the horrible screams that were bottled up in my chest would escape. And I could not do that to Alice. Instead I looked at her with my swollen eyes and tear streaked cheeks and tried to communicate silently to tell her that all was lost, my dreams were over, and my life was not worth living.

I had ruined everything.

My eyes searched her face – how could she still love me, how could she comfort me when she knew what I had done? I was not worthy of her love, I knew it and I didn't understand why she didn't know that. I grasped her hand tightly; willing her to realize that she should leave me all alone because, after all, it's what I deserved. I think the intensity of my stare shocked her. She removed her hand from mine and with a quick, worried look, grabbed her phone from her purse. She was obviously scared by what she saw.

I heard her call Carlisle, mumbling into the phone and asking him to please be quick. Dear, sweet Carlisle, like a second father to me. Another person I had hurt. He must have asked someone to cover for him at the hospital because shortly after Alice called him, the doorbell rang. I heard low murmurs in the hallway; it seemed as if they were miles away. I looked up to see Carlisle walking towards me. His face was grave at first but when he looked into my eyes, he tried to smile. He obviously didn't want to upset me any further, probably worried about my mental state. But even in my condition, I could see that his smile was pained.

"Bella, honey, have you slept at all? Have you eaten?" he asked with concern. The request seemed simple enough but, truthfully, I couldn't answer because I couldn't remember. I definitely had not slept, I knew that. Had I eaten? I didn't think so. I shook my head slightly, wanting to give him an answer and it was the only one I had. I looked at him pleadingly and then closed my eyes, wishing that he could put me out of my misery. I didn't deserve his help, but I needed it.

I sensed rather than saw him look at Alice. Even knowing they were having an unspoken conversation about me was not cause enough to make me to open my eyes again.

Then I heard Carlisle open his medical bag and like a rag doll, I let him take my pulse and my blood pressure, feel my forehead and look into my eyes. With a heavy sigh he said "I'm going to give you something to help you sleep for a while Bella. You need some rest. It will help you feel better." I shook my head violently from side to side and tears sprang to my eyes because I knew I would never feel better again, I was absolutely sure of it. "I know, I know" he murmured as he hugged me close to his chest.

He held me with one arm while he searched through his bag with the other and spoke to Alice, "Alice, can you please help Bella get ready for bed and give her two of these?" Then he turned to me, "Bella, these will help you sleep. I have to go back to the hospital but I'll come back to check on you later." He placed his hand gently on my cheek and kissed my forehead.

I felt Alice tugging at my hand, urging me to get up. I had no fight left in me, so I simply got up, walked around Carlisle and followed her into my bedroom. She helped me change, gave me the pills that Carlisle had prescribed and watched as I took them. Then she closed the drapes – what time was it anyway? - tucked me into bed and left the room. I could hear them speaking in low, urgent tones just beyond my door. Obviously they were worried, but I could not bring myself to care at the moment, I just prayed that sleep would come and help me forget everything.

Even with the pills I'd taken, my sleep was unsettled. I dreamed of the things that had happened and the images made me cry out. Several times I was aware of Alice sneaking into the room to comfort me and tuck me back in. She hadn't left, and in a small corner of my mind I was reminded of how very much I loved her.

When I awoke, the sun was shining. Was it Monday morning already? The medication had left me a bit groggy and for a second it was as if life had not changed. I looked around the room that Esme, my mother-in-law, had helped me decorate and smiled at the beauty of it all, the antique French furniture, the silk drapes, the luxurious bedding. In some ways I had always felt this room was perhaps a bit too feminine, the colours too soft, but Edward had never protested, insisting that if I was happy so was he.

Edward.

As his name crossed my mind, the events the past few days and months came tumbling back. I sat up in bed with a jolt, my breathing was laboured, my hands shook and a slight sheen of sweat appeared on my forehead.

What on earth had I done to my perfect life?


	2. Ch 1 One Year Ago

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Huge hugs for my ladies Cougar and Celeste for their ideas and support! smooches!

So we're heading back to one year ago. Bella, why don't you share with us how it all started?

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**One Year Ago - The Beginning**

_I am so excited…and happy… I can't wait._

_I'm scared._

_No…I'm happy and excited._

_OK, I'm a bit scared - but it's normal to be scared._

These thoughts ran in a continuous loop through my mind as I stepped into the beautiful blush-coloured dress with the empire waist and asymmetrical hemline. The exquisitely soft silk caressed my legs as I pulled it on. Simple and fitted, I felt like this dress had been designed with me in mind. And it made me feel beautiful, which is something I did not consider myself to be. In truth, I usually felt pretty ordinary no matter what anyone told me. But today was different, it was my day and today I felt beautiful.

I spun slowly in front of the mirror to admire the lovely gown from all sides. My skin was fair and together with my dark brown hair, which I chose to wear hanging in soft waves around my shoulders, and the simple diamonds on my ears and at my neck, I thought that the overall look was dramatic. I felt like a glamorous star from the 40's. I smiled in spite of myself and shook my head. I was not one to spend time admiring my own looks and it seemed strange that I wanted to admire them today. But I needed to remember this moment for the rest of my life. This would be my one and only wedding day.

Initially, I had been nervous at the thought of just the two of us running off to Las Vegas to get married. Was it too soon? We had known each other for less than 6 months. _People had quick weddings all the time_, I reminded myself. And I loved Edward with all my heart. This was definitely what I wanted.

But, what would our families think? As far as they knew we were simply taking a few days vacation before Edward began a new tour. Would they be upset or disappointed? I was sure that Alice, Edward's favourite sister, would be upset that we were doing this without her. I had grown so fond of Alice and hated to upset her. Of course, my Dad would also have trouble with our decision and maybe that contributed to the butterflies in my stomach. But, at this moment, in this beautiful gown, knowing that Edward was in the next room, it felt utterly right. They would understand and would forgive our impulsiveness. I smiled as I thought of Alice because there would be much apologizing to be done before she would forgive and we'd be making it up to her for a long time.

Sure, this decision had been made very quickly, almost on a whim. But everything about our relationship had been like that. From the way my heart beat a crazy rhythm the very first time I had seen him, to the electricity that flew between us when our hands touched. It all felt spontaneous and exciting…and meant to be. I twirled again and laughed out loud. My life had changed so much in the last few months since Edward had come into it that it was like the sky was brighter, the sun more vivid and the air more crisp and refreshing. I laughed again…how melodramatic. But, somehow, that's how it felt, my heart was light and buoyant because I was young and free and in love.

I looked at the clock on the bedside table. We had booked the chapel at the hotel and in less than 1 hour, I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen. A small gasp escaped my lips and a huge smile spread across my face. I repeated the words "Mrs. Edward Cullen", first in my head and then, softly and self-consciously, out loud. It sounded wonderful.

I stepped back out of the dress. I shouldn't have put it on in the first place since I still had to finish my makeup, but it had been hanging there, and in my excitement, I couldn't help myself. I re-hung the dress on its pretty padded hanger, put on my bathrobe and sat down at the vanity table.

As I looked at my face in the mirror, I saw the changes that had become evident in the past few months. I saw the brightness in my eyes which was a product of the excitement I always seemed to feel around Edward, the pinkness in my cheeks and the smile that wouldn't leave my lips. But I had to admit that if I looked deeper, even in my happiness, I could see a shadow of hurt. Maybe it wasn't visible to anyone but me, but when I looked in the mirror I saw someone who'd had her fair share of disappointment and sadness. I gave my reflection a stern look, telling myself to focus on today and forget the past. The future, my future with Edward, was all that mattered.

I hadn't realized how intently I'd been looking into the mirror; I was so lost in thought, that a knock on the door and Edward's soft voice actually startled me.

"Bella, are you almost ready?" he called from behind the closed bedroom door "We need to be downstairs in 20 minutes".

I had insisted that he not see me until I was ready and had banished him to the other room while I made my transformation to blushing bride. It was my attempt at tradition. Silly, I know, but since I was getting married in Las Vegas, I needed at lease one old-fashioned ritual to hold on to.

"Almost ready," I answered with a smile and couldn't help myself from adding "In a hurry Mr. Cullen?"

I heard his soft laugh "You know I am, baby. I've been patiently waiting, but if you're not ready soon, I'm coming in. Don't make me do it."

It was my turn to giggle. "Give me a few more minutes - it will be worth the wait," I promised, feeling almost light-headed with excitement.

I looked back towards the mirror again. Satisfied that my face was done, at least as "done" as it would be with my limited skills, I made my way back to the dress which I needed to put on before applying my lipstick. It would be just like me to get a big lipstick mark on this gorgeous gown so I would have to take extra care.

As I slid the dress back on, I couldn't help but relive these last six months, smiling as I thought about the whirlwind they had been. Of course, my mind took me immediately to my time in Italy and I saw clearly how my life had changed there.

I had been at a crossroads for the first time in my life. Having just ended a long-term relationship, I needed a reprieve from the well-meant sympathy that my friends were providing and the disapproving looks from my father. I had needed to get away, to shake off the past and get ready for the future. I booked a 3 week vacation to Italy and, to my amazement, I felt a rush of excitement at the thought of going away on my own. It was the first spark of happiness I'd felt in a while. I didn't know anyone in Italy and that was liberating. There would be no questions, no demands for explanations, no sympathy for what was damaged beyond repair. I vowed to myself that I would clear my mind and my heart and experience everything that Italy had to give.

As it turns out, what it had to give was Edward.

I had been in Rome for 5 days and had spent them doing touristy things. I explored the Colosseum and the Vatican and spent time in museums and art galleries admiring ancient artefacts. And each night, the concierge at the hotel recommended a new restaurant for dinner. I was feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. It was exactly what I had hoped would happen on the trip.

On the 5th night, Marco, the concierge, suggested that I might enjoy a show after dinner. There was an orchestra playing at Auditorium Parco della Musica. I agreed, I wanted to experience everything. He got me a ticket and, after another wonderful meal, I headed to the show. The music was beautiful and, from my seat near the front, I was able to fully appreciate the precision with which the instruments were played. Of course, each piece was introduced in Italian and since my Italian was limited to the standard "yes/no", "please", "thank you", and "excuse me", I didn't understand much. I did, however, grasp that there was someone participating in the show who was "American" and I idly wondered if I would recognize them from past concerts I had attended.

At intermission time, I decided to step out for some fresh air. As soon as I had found a door, I snuck outside. It led to a small alley and there weren't any people on this side of the building, but that was fine with me. Rome was quite crowded, and at times overwhelming, so I would enjoy a bit of quiet time. I had worn my favourite short red dress and the most wonderfully inappropriate shoes which, at 3 ½ inches of death defying heels and toe squishing beauty, ensured that my feet were killing me. I spread out a couple of tissues that I had found in my purse, sat on the step just outside the door and slipped off my right shoe, wiggling my toes in relief.

"Buona Sera."

The unexpected voice both startled and scared me and I turned quickly to look behind me, accidentally hitting the stranger in the leg with the weapon in my hand, my 3 ½ inch heel. He cringed and I was immediately mortified.

"Mi scusi. I'm so sorry," I stammered, "Are you hurt? I can't believe I just did that." I'm so sorry" I repeated, babbling now. "I don't normally hit perfect strangers." I started to get up but he stopped me by placing his hand lightly on my shoulder.

"I'm fine." He spoke English and I was relieved. "No need to apologize." He assured me with a grin as I looked up at him. "But I do have one question," he announced. "You say you don't normally hit strangers, does that mean you hit people you know?" He paused and then continued in a light tone. "You see, I'm trying to decide whether I should introduce myself and I need to know because I bruise quite easily."

I felt the blush colour my face. He had stepped around me as he spoke and for the first time, we were face to face. He looked into my eyes and I noticed immediately how brilliantly green his were. There really were no words; he was stunning and I was mesmerized. Apart from his spectacular eyes, I took in his jaw that was chiselled and covered with just the slightest bit of scruffy beard, his playful smile, his somewhat dishevelled hair and the pinkest lips I'd ever seen on a man.

Suddenly realizing that he was waiting for an answer, and that I probably had a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face, I turned away from him slightly so I could refocus. I took a deep breath and put on a smile.

"Actually, I don't usually hit anyone; I'm not violent by nature. So, I think you'll be perfectly safe with me." I responded. That seemed like a good answer, one that was just as playful as his question. Even though my heart was beating uncontrollably, I wanted to appear calm, so I was flirting awkwardly because, unfortunately, it was the best I could do. "I'm Bella," I added and held out my hand.

His answering smile and the warmth of his grasp stole my breath.

He introduced himself and my eyes never strayed from his face. His name, it turned out, was Edward Cullen, he played the piano and he was the American they had referred to during the first half of the concert. He had just arrived in Italy and would be staying in Rome for 4 more days before moving on to Florence and then returning to the US. Unfortunately, that was all the information I was able to gather before the bell rang, harshly announcing that intermission was over.

I would have gladly stayed in that alley all night if I could have, but we had to get back inside. Reluctantly, I picked up my shoe which, in all the excitement, I had dropped on the step next to me and reached down to put it on.

"May I?" he asked, crouching down to take the shoe from my hand and looking up at me from beneath impossibly long lashes. A small nod was all I could manage and then I felt his warm, strong hand grasp my ankle. He looked at it and a small grin played on his lips as he lifted my leg slowly and slid my shoe back on my foot. In that moment, my ankle actually tingled.

Technically speaking, his hand lingered a bit longer than was necessary, gently cupping my ankle and rubbing small circles with his thumb along the bone there even after my shoe was back on. Then his hand slid leisurely up my calf, leaving a blazing trail of heat in its wake, as he let my foot fall slowly back to the ground. I realized that I had been holding my breath the entire time.

"It was a pleasure meeting you Bella," he assured me as he stood. He held out his hand to help me up and then gently placed it on my lower back to lead me inside. The warmth of his touch made me shiver involuntarily.

He gave me one last smile as we said our goodbyes and I returned to my seat on very shaky legs, my heart beating unusually fast.

Edward played last, enchanting the audience with both soft and soothing pieces as well as emotionally charged ones. His fingers glided over the piano keys so smoothly that it actually looked effortless. He was graceful and elegant and I was captivated.

As he finished his last piece, he thanked the audience and stood up to take his rightful bows. Because I could not remove my eyes from him, I realized that his eyes were searching the audience and, when our gazes finally met, he smiled. My heart beat that uneven tone again and I bit my lower lip, an involuntary reaction to the electricity that was coursing through my body. I took in a shallow breath and returned his smile with one of my own and he turned back to the audience for one last bow before leaving the stage.

I sat in my chair for a few minutes, collecting myself. It was silly that just one smile from someone who was, in all reality, a total stranger would have this effect on me. I shook my head to clear it, thinking that I'd better be heading out. Getting a taxi in Rome could prove difficult and with everyone leaving the concert, it would be an even more daunting task. I stood up, reaching for my wrap which I'd hung on the back of my chair and, once again heard that velvety voice. "May I?" I turned slowly to see Edward, hands stretched out towards me, waiting to help. Why was this ridiculously delicious man always trying to help me put my clothes on? I shocked myself with an errant thought, wondering what it would be like to have him help me take them off instead. I immediately blushed and was very thankful that he couldn't read my mind.

"Would you like to get some coffee?" he asked. "There's a little place just around the corner and I've heard that they serve the best biscotti you've ever tasted". Food was the last thing I was craving but I definitely wanted to spend more time in his company so, without hesitation, I agreed and we walked together to a tiny bakery just one block away. On the way there, he put his hand on my back again, leading me through the crowds and turning my insides to jelly. It was a warm night so we sat outside while we sipped our lattes and nibbled on our cookies.

I found out that he was from Chicago originally and had moved with his family to Washington when he was in his teens, but, according to him, he was currently homeless. He performed around the world and wasn't in one place long enough to necessitate putting down roots. He laughed as he told me he was always able to find a friend or family member who was willing take him in whenever he returned to the US. Most of his family still lived in Seattle and, because I was from the east coast too, we had that in common. Our conversation was smooth and effortless. We made each other laugh easily and shared stories I was sure neither of us would normally tell a stranger.

It was nearly 2am when we finally left the bakery, but neither of us was inclined to end our time together. We walked aimlessly through the now almost empty streets chatting and laughing and finally heading in the direction of my hotel. My feet were killing me and I wanted so badly to abandon my shoes or to be wild and impulsive enough to ask him to carry me but I wasn't that brave. As we neared the hotel I forgot my aching feet as I started to think about what might happen next, eliciting butterflies the size of pigeons in my stomach. Would this be it, one night, one coffee and it would be over?

"So, what do you have planned for tomorrow?" Edward asked, bringing me back from my focus on the pigeons. "I don't have to be at the Auditorium until 5 and thought that maybe we could get some lunch if you want," he continued. Of course, I agreed and standing in front of my hotel we made our plans for the next day. And then finally, reluctantly, we acknowledged that it was time to part. Edward lifted my chin gently with his index finger and touched his lips softly to mine.

"Goodnight, Bella. Sleep well," he said. I didn't trust my voice at that moment, so I simply nodded and smiled and then watched him walk slowly down the street.

Never in my life had I had such a strong reaction to a man. The pull I felt towards Edward was magnetic, uncontrollable. That night I tossed and turned in anticipation of the next day. I imagined what it would be like to spend time with him, to walk the streets of Rome holding hands, to share a gelato, to kiss on the Spanish Steps, and finally to bring him back to my hotel. Since I couldn't sleep, I let my mind run away with me. By morning I'd worked myself up so much that the butterfly-pigeons had permanently moved into my stomach. Even though we were not meeting until 11, I was up and in the shower by 6:30.

Once I had selected the outfit I felt made me look good but like I wasn't really trying, I sat on the edge of the bed in my room and waited. It seemed like an eternity until it was time to meet him downstairs in the lobby and I certainly didn't want to be the first one to arrive. Finally, at just after 11, I left the room to head downstairs. It seems silly to admit but I could feel his presence as soon as I got off the elevator, even before I spotted him sitting comfortably in the big blue chair. He was turned to his right, looking out the front windows that faced onto the street so I took a few moments to admire him, taking in his hair, which appeared to still be slightly wet from his shower, his strong jaw, and the stubble that covered it. As I approached him, he smiled and stood. Immediately he took my hand and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Hello," I managed to say above the loud beating of my heart in my ears. We spent the afternoon at the Colosseum. I had already seen it, of course, but he hadn't and I was more than willing to take in that sight again as long as I could do it with Edward. It was crowded and, much to my delight, it meant that we had to hold hands and stick close together so we wouldn't be separated. Our conversation continued as it had the night before, with ease and comfort. All too soon it was time for him to go to work. He invited me to join him, to watch from backstage if I wanted, and I did. That night, we again returned to the little bakery for our coffee and biscotti. And again he walked me to my hotel. But this time I'd already made my decision. If this was going to end in a few days when I returned home, I wasn't going to have regrets. When Edward walked me to the front door of the hotel, and we began discussing what we might do the next day, I invited him in.

My heart thudded loudly in my chest as we rode up on the elevator, both knowing the real reason I had invited him up. I had only ever been with one man before and had no idea what I would do when we reached my room. Luckily, Edward wasn't quite so unsure. As soon as he closed the door behind me, he took me in his arms and kissed me harder than he ever had. His tongue licked gently at my lower lip, moistening it and making it impossible for me not to open my mouth to him. He tangled his hand in my hair pressing me further into the kiss and filling my mouth with his tongue. His other hand slid slowly down my back in small circles that gave me goose bumps and made me shudder in anticipation. I moaned softly as he cupped my behind, gently squeezing and pulling me even closer to him. I could feel his full length against me and the fire that was suddenly coursing through me was overwhelming. His long, lean body felt so good pushed up tightly against mine. He moved back ever so slightly, breaking the kiss and looking into my eyes. I could see a question there and I answered it by pulling him to me and kissing him again.

Almost instantly his hands began exploring me, caressing, squeezing, and rubbing. He tugged at my shirt and I lifted my arms to help him slide it off. He reached up and gently cupped my right breast, squeezing it and running his thumb over the lace, teasing my nipple. My body arched involuntarily, pushing my hips into his. A growl of sorts escaped his lips and I knew he was trying to control himself, to be gentle for me, for our first time. He unhooked my bra and I let it fall to the floor exposing myself but only for an instant as his hands effectively covered my breasts again. His fingers rubbed and tugged and I couldn't help but cry out.

I started to unbutton his shirt, pulling it free from his pants and placing my hands on his bare chest. I let myself explore the hard muscle, the fine hair, the softness of his skin. Sliding it back and letting his shirt fall to the floor, I turned my attention to his pants. I slipped my finger inside the waistband and circled from his left side to his right and back again stopping at the button in the middle, feeling the soft patch of hair there just below his bellybutton. Undoing his fly to release him from the confines of his jeans, I realized that he wasn't wearing anything underneath and I gasped. Edward grinned at me sheepishly. I bit my lip in response and then, never looking away from his eyes, I wrapped my hand around him and slowly ran the length of him. He groaned and thrust himself against my hand.

I felt his hands skimming the hem of my skirt and he raised it to my waist slowly, almost too slowly. Then his fingers found me and, deep down, I was almost embarrassed at how wet I was. He moved my panties aside and brushed slow circles around my folds with his fingers. My moan was all the encouragement he needed as he thrust his fingers into me. It felt so good that I couldn't control my moaning and he thrust them even further.

Finally, he picked me up and walked me over to the bed, laying me down and positioning himself between my legs. I held my breath as he removed my panties and I felt him thrust into me, filling me completely. He moved slowly at first, but it didn't last long. He increased his pace and I felt like the room was spinning. Our breathing and moaning buzzed in my ears as all my senses were overtaken by the burning heat of having him inside me.

"Edward, I think..." I shuddered uncontrollably as the best orgasm I'd ever had took over my entire body. And, as if he were waiting for me, he groaned and fell over the edge with me.

He stayed the night. We slept wrapped around each other and made love again in the morning.

After that we spent as much time together as was possible, working around his concert obligations, enjoying each other's company. I went with him to Florence and he stayed on in Rome with me after his tour commitments were done. We came home to the US together, returning to Seattle where I lived. We laughed as we realized that I was going to be the friend who would take him in this time around.

Over the next few months we were inseparable. He was between tours so he spent his time writing music; a sideline he enjoyed whenever he could. Turns out my talented man also played the guitar and sang. Since I was a writer and pretty much managed my own schedule, it was fairly easy to make time to be together. I introduced him to my friends, who loved him immediately, and to my father, who did not. Charlie had many reasons to dislike Edward, including the fact that he had never given up hope that I would return to my former boyfriend, Jacob. He pointed out to me in no uncertain terms that this "worldly gigolo" was probably just using me. It made things with my Dad a bit tense, which I didn't like, but it could not be helped. I knew Edward would grow on him eventually and I was certainly not willing to let his opinion ruin the happiness I was feeling. Telling him we'd gotten married was going to be an event unto itself.

"Alright, I'm coming in," Edward's voice warned from the other room, interrupting my daydream.

"No, don't. I'm ready, I'm coming out." I responded knowing that I wanted to make an entrance.

I slipped on my shoes and took one last look in the mirror. Satisfied with what I saw, I turned towards the door.


	3. Ch 2 So This Is Married Life

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks to Cougar and Celeste for their feedback, suggestions and support. Luv you ladies!

So, Bella and Edward get married….here's how it happened and what they're thinking. Oh, by the way, Edward wanted to say a few words, so I gave him an opportunity to talk to you as well.

**

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****So this is Married Life**

I realized my hand was shaking as I turned the knob and opened the door. A mixture of excitement, anticipation and panic coursed through me, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. Once the door was open, however, the butterflies in my stomach were there for a completely different reason. I sucked in a quick breath and stood looking at Edward, unable to move. In his dark suit, white shirt and thin gray tie, he was beautiful. As he looked at me, I saw his lips turn up in that smile I loved so much and he immediately began walking towards me. I had to remind myself to breath, this was going to be that kind of day.

"You. Are. Exquisite!" he declared, saying each word as if it were an individual thought.

As always, the blush coloured my cheeks at the compliment. I should be used to it by now; after all, Edward was not shy when it came to admiring me. But, somehow, it always seemed unexpected and surprising that someone so incredible could marvel at me in this way.

He took my hand and rotated it in a slow circle above my head so that I twirled before him in my gown. He sucked in a breath and then let it out in a low hiss.

"All I can say is that I'm a very lucky man," he proclaimed, with a wicked little grin. "Good thing we have such an important appointment, or we would definitely not be leaving this room any time soon!"

"Are you trying to say I look nice?" I teased.

"Yes," he answered raising one eyebrow and gathering me up into a tight embrace. "And, I'm trying to say that you look good enough to eat. So, let's get out of here before I do just that!"

Holding my hand, he led me out of the room and to the elevator. We rode down 24 floors to the main level and headed towards the chapel.

I'm sure the chapel was lovely. From my peripheral vision, I saw flowers, ribbons and candles but truthfully, I could not tear my eyes away from Edward. The ceremony was quick, with the justice of the peace saying some lovely words about love and sharing and devotion. We said our vows, the traditional ones that have been spoken for hundreds of years, as we stood facing each other. We made our promises of forever and then, finally, Edward slipped the ring on my finger, a ring I had not seen before because he insisted on surprising me. It was obviously an antique. The exquisite platinum band held a single square-cut diamond in the middle and was surrounded by filigree and several other diamonds on each side. I knew I would spend many hours looking at this ring but, right now, the justice was proclaiming we were officially married and I needed to kiss my husband.

Edward placed his large hand tenderly on my cheek and kissed me with such intensity that, even if I had wanted to, I would not have been able to break free of him. I could feel his love, his passion, his excitement in this moment as clearly as I felt my own. Too soon we were both in need of air and parted slowly. He kissed my forehead and I made a sound much like a purr. I heard Edward's soft laugh and the justice of the peace cleared his throat. Realizing we were not alone, I blushed immediately and looked down at the floor. We signed the necessary paperwork and, clutching our marriage certificate, left the chapel as a married couple.

I wasn't sure what we were doing next; Edward had taken care of all the plans. He took me to dinner. We had an intimate table at the Eiffel Tower restaurant and, since it was now dark, the lights of Las Vegas sparked all around us. We toasted each other with champagne and I picked at my Sautéed Atlantic Sea Bass because, although it was delicious, I had other things on my mind. Seeing Edward in a suit always did things to me. The tension had been building all day and I was certainly looking forward to beginning the honeymoon. Edward, ever the carnivore, was enjoying his Aged NY Steak with vigour and chatting happily about how we'd spend our next few days, while I secretly hoped that this dinner would give him lots of energy for later. I slipped off my shoe and ran my foot slowly up the inside of his leg; it was my not too subtle way of telling him I was ready to go. My touch surprised him and raised an eyebrow at me. I gave him my most devious smile. Message received.

After our meal, we walked back to our room hand in hand. When we reached it, Edward put the key card in the lock and threw back the door. Picking me up, he carried me into the suite, kicking the door closed behind us. He headed straight to the bedroom and, laying me gently on the large chaise, he stood looking down at me, a sly crooked grin on his face. I wondered fleetingly why he had not taken me straight to the bed but knew he must have some plan, it seemed like he always did. Subconsciously, I registered that the bed had been turned down, that there were candles and flowers on all available surfaces but, in truth, I just lay there looking up at him – as mesmerized by him as I had been on the first day we met.

He knelt down and slipped off my shoes one by one. His fingers grazed my legs as he slid my dress up towards my thighs, barely touching me but igniting me all the same. His lips followed his fingers, as he placed a trail of hot, steamy kisses up my calves and towards my knees. I started to squirm, already needing more. I sat up and reached for his jacket, pushing it back off his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. I looked at the tie, it was next. Almost too roughly, I grabbed it and pulled him towards me, kissing him with all the electricity I had coursing through me. Without pulling away from our kiss I began to loosen his tie. He pulled back, looking at me questioningly. Normally, I was not one to be overly aggressive but tonight it appeared that I just couldn't help myself. I raised my shoulders to indicate I wasn't sure what was going on and his sudden passionate kiss told me he was OK with this new demanding Bella.

As we explored each others' mouths I discarded his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, sliding my hands inside it. I enjoyed the feel of his soft skin and the smattering of fine hair against my fingers. I pulled at the shirt, releasing it from inside his pants, giving me free reign to caress his chest, his back, his stomach. I lingered there, my hand on his stomach, feeling the muscle that rippled just beneath the soft skin and then slowly I let my finger follow the trail of fine dark hair that led to where I was ultimately headed and slipped it down behind his belt. I could see that he was as ready as I was to move this along. I stroked him delicately with my fingers enjoying the moment and causing him to close his eyes in anticipation. I kissed his chest working my way down slowly towards his bellybutton and stopping my kisses only when I reached his belt buckle. Before I could go any further he took my hands, encouraging me to stand. He gently turned me around, pressing the full length of his body tightly against my back and gently biting my neck. I could feel myself melting against him as his hands moved slowly up and down my arms. Pulling away slightly, his long musician's fingers made easy work of undoing the pearly buttons that trapped me inside my dress. As he released each button, he placed a small gentle kiss along my back making me shiver with excitement and eagerness. When he reached the final buttons near my waist, I felt his kisses become more hurried and then his tongue ran a long wet trail up my spine.

With one flick of his fingers, my dress slid to the floor and puddled in a silky heap at my feet. Edward lifted me into his arms again and walked to the bed, gently putting me down and lying down beside me, kissing me even harder this time. He licked my bottom lip looking for an invitation I gladly extended. As his tongue explored my mouth, his hands explored my body, caressing, rubbing and teasing. I had pulled out all the stops in terms of lingerie and now was glad I had. He pulled away from our kiss and his eyes flamed as he surveyed the delicate pink lace of my bra. Then his stare slowly moved to the tiny patch of lace between my legs that was tied at both hips with silky ribbon and was now visibly soaked through. He ran his fingers over my breasts and leisurely down my stomach to the bow at my left hip bone. He let out a low hiss, or maybe it was a growl, as he tugged on one end and the bow came undone. He mumbled something under his breath; I can't be sure what it was because the touch of his fingers was burning my skin and I couldn't concentrate on anything but the sensation of the contact.

He reached for the ribbon on my other side and in one hurried movement undid the bow and removed my panties completely, exposing my moist skin to the cool air. I gasped at the sensation. Edward let out a soft curse.

His fingertips traced me, touching me softly, stroking me thoroughly. He ran his palm up my stomach and to my breasts, cupping them tenderly before he unhooked my bra, exposing me fully. The desire in his eyes had me gasping for breath. I reached for his belt and quickly undid it, pulling it free from his pants and dropping it to the floor behind him. Again, I traced his obvious arousal with my hand, softly rubbing where I knew he would enjoy it and was satisfied when I received a low moan from him. I unzipped his pants and put my hand beneath the fabric, surprised to feel that there was one layer keeping me from skin to skin contact. How proper of him to wear underwear on our wedding day, maybe he needed some tradition too, or maybe he just wanted to drive me wild. I removed my hand only long enough to undo the button on his pants. Edward quickly took them off, discarding them over the edge of the bed. I rolled on top of him, kissing him tenderly and then sliding myself down his long lean body, kissing and licking his chest and his stomach on the way down. I lightly bit down on the bulge that was hidden beneath the light fabric of his boxers and he gasped. Then I remove them leaving him just as bare as I was.

Without warning, I felt him grab my arms and slide me up the entire length of his body. I burned at the contact of my flesh with his. He swiftly turned us so that now he was hovering above me, a sly smile on his face. I watch as he inched his way down my body, kissing and nibbling until he was positioned between my legs. Then he looked up at me, that grin still playing on his lips.

"I've been waiting all day to do this," he announced and moved his head slowly towards me. His breath was warm as his tongue began to explore every inch of me. I squirmed and arched my back in response. He knew how much I loved this and how it affected me, and he was being thorough, much to my delight. My breathing was heavy and I registered that those were my moans that were filling the room. He nibbled and lapped and kissed until I felt like I had lost my mind.

"Edward, I...I think I'm..." I cried.

"Not yet baby, stay with me" he answered. "I need to see you"

His fingers replaced his tongue but he did not let up the exquisite pressure and my body did not give up on its response. I felt the shudders coming as if from the tips of my toes and the top of my head and culminating at my core with a sweet explosion. He kissed me and I could taste myself on his lips.

I reached out to grasp him tightly in my hand and leading him toward my wet and sensitive entrance. He thrust his hips forward to fill me. Again, I felt myself engulfed in the explosive sensation. His thrusts were hard and fast, each one getting deeper and deeper. I knew he was close and I wanted to give him the same pleasure he'd given me. I reached down between us, placed my fingers around him at the place where we were joined and squeezed gently. That was all he needed to explode.

He let himself drop to the bed and rolled me on top of him. We lay like that for a quite some time while our breath steadied and our heartbeats returned to normal.

"You know what?" he asked breaking the silence. "I like married life."

I laughed softly. "Me too," I agreed.

I woke the next morning with a start. I had been having a dream, and not a very nice one. Everything was fuzzy as I tried to recall what I had seen or heard that had startled me awake. The dream definitely took place at home and I had vague images of my father's angry face. Damn. My subconscious was already worried about going home and telling everyone we'd gotten married without their knowledge or blessing. I shouldn't be worried about this yet; we had two more days in Vegas. _Besides_, I told myself, _you're a grown woman, what you do is no one's business but your own_! I took a deep breath and looked over at Edward's handsome face, so peaceful in sleep, and couldn't help but smile. He wasn't worried, why should I be? _Because you take everything too personally and want to please everyone_, I chastised myself. I had to stop thinking about this, so I closed my eyes tight and tried to focus on something else. Unfortunately, once I was in worry mode, my mind often betrayed me.

The next thought that popped into my mind was Edward's upcoming tour. For weeks now, I had already been worrying about this situation. He was scheduled to leave in just 4 days and would be gone for 2 months. Whenever he spoke of it, his eyes gleamed with excitement and his energy was palpable. I did my best to feel as excited about it as he was but, in truth, I didn't like the idea that we were going to be apart for the first time in our relationship. I had already taken more time away from my writing than was advisable and my publisher was beginning to get irritated, so going with him for the full tour was out of the question. Of course, I would meet up with him several times, we had already determined that, but still, I didn't like the thought of not being with him for such a long time.

In the past few months he'd done some studio work and I had secretly hoped he would prefer that to touring, but it was the audiences he craved. The challenge of playing his compositions in front of people excited him, made him happy, and I could not begrudge him that bliss. I had become spoiled by having him with me constantly and now I would have to get used to missing him, I knew it would be a long two months.

Of course I had my friends to keep me company, to fill the void. Angela and Jessica were good friends and, of course, Alice was such fun. I smiled in spite of myself as I thought about my newest friend and now sister-in-law. Much to Edwards chagrin, I had taken to Alice quite quickly and tended to get myself into trouble when I was with her. But that was the fun of being with Alice, she was bubbly and spontaneous and full of life. And even though she was madly in love with Jasper, her fiancé, she attracted men like flies to honey. Of course, she played with them a bit before letting them know she was not available and I think that Edward was afraid I'd learn some tricks from her. I didn't have her confidence and would never be able to pull off the things she did, but she pushed me beyond myself, made me try new things, gave me permission to worry less and enjoy more. I couldn't think of Alice and not smile.

I took a deep breath, looking at Edward again and made a deal with myself that I would not worry, or even think about, any of this for our next two days in Vegas. I could deal with my worries and face my insecurities once we got home.

"A penny for your thoughts." Edward's voice brought me back to the present.

I turned, realizing that he may have been watching me for quite some time and hoping that he hadn't seen a frown on my face.

"I was trying to use my mind to wake you up," I kissed his forehead. "And it worked! I don't want us to sleep away our honeymoon especially since it's so short."

He grinned and grabbed me, positioning me on top of him and kissing me deeply. I cocked an eyebrow at him. I could feel his arousal and, after all, it was our honeymoon.

"Hmmm..." I said, wiggling my body against his. "What do you want to do today?"

**

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**

EPOV

I smiled at her, how could I not? I loved Bella so completely. She was very like me in so many ways, yet so unlike me in others. For example, having just woken up on the first morning of our married life together, I felt relaxed, content and happy. But Bella was in deep thought. She didn't know I was awake and watching her. Just by looking at her I could tell that there were some serious worries on her mind. Of course, she would never fess up; never admit to be worrying about something, until I pressured her into telling me. She liked to work things out for herself, to be sure of her ideas or decisions before she shared them with me. And, for the most part, I was comfortable with that. However, today I could guess what was causing that little frown line between her brows, it was our wedding. More specifically, it was what everyone would think and how they would react.

From the first moment I had decided to propose I knew that I wanted it to be just us. I didn't want to share our special day with anyone because sharing it with someone meant sharing it with everyone. I didn't want a big production with all the pomp and circumstance and I knew that Bella would feel the same way. Where we would differ is that I didn't worry, as Bella did, about what others thought or how they would feel, I knew it would work itself out eventually. In truth, I also understood my fear that sharing this special day meant that others would have the opportunity to talk her out of it. Most specifically, I feared those types of actions from her Father and her ex-boyfriend, Jacob, who both still harboured the dream that a reunion was in the cards, that Bella and Jacob's failed relationship could be repaired.

Of course, it shouldn't bother me, she loved and agreed to marry me, but her insistence on remaining friends with Jacob unnerved me. They had a long history and we had a short one.

As for Charlie, the fact that he wasn't my biggest fan concerned Bella far too much. He'd come around once he let himself get to know me; it was just going to take some time. At least that's what I kept telling myself. Charlie was just as thoughtful and methodical about making decisions as Bella was and that was perhaps why I hadn't won him over in the almost six months that Bella and I had been together, but I hadn't lost hope.

I tried not to disturb Bella, she was so deep in thought that I could almost see the pictures moving inside her mind and hear the words she was speaking to herself. I hated that I had to leave her so soon, to be away for 2 months. I wondered if it bothered her more than she let on. She never said anything, always encouraged and supported my decision to go. I hoped that it wasn't adding more worries to her already full plate. I had tried to convince her to join me but her career was just as important to her as mine was to me and, in the end, we had agreed on 3 visits during the tour. If I thought about it too much I could already feel the loneliness taking hold of me. I smiled; _you are so pathetic Cullen_ I told myself. It still amazed me that Bella had grabbed my heart so quickly and held on so tightly that, almost from the first day we met, I couldn't imagine my life without her.

There had been other women in my life in the past, I might have even believed myself to have been in love on occasion, but nothing compared to Bella. In such a short time she had become everything and already I was afraid to lose her. Well, I certainly had to stop thinking this way so I decided to let her know that I was awake.

"A penny for your thoughts." I said.

"I was trying to use my mind to wake you up." She replied, kissing my forehead, giving herself time to smooth out the worry line between her eyebrows. "And it worked. I don't want us to sleep away our honeymoon especially since it's so short."

I didn't want to see that worried look on her face today, so I grinned, grabbing her and lifting her body to rest on mine. I kissed her deeply, the arousal I hadn't even realized was there intensified now that her body was aligned with mine.

"Hmmm..." she said, wiggling her body provocatively against mine. "What do you want to do today?" This girl was going to be the death of me.

Three hours later we finally left the room.


	4. Ch 3 The Past Never Really Is

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks again to the ladies who give their time to correct my crazy mistakes and encourage me to keep on writing…Cougar and Celeste…couldn't do it without you! Luv you ladies!

Bella wants to tell us about her past because, as we all know, the past sometimes complicates the present.

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* * *

****The Past Never Really Is**

I always hated take-off time. Flying didn't bother me but the sensation of the lift-off was uncomfortable and this was our second one today. Our layover in Salt Lake City had added almost 2 hours to our return flight home but had also given me time to think about what was coming next. Edward looked at me and cocked his eyebrow.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked

"I'm nervous," I admitted. "Let's tell your family first."

"Chicken!" Edward teased kissing me on the nose, and then added more seriously, "Why are you so nervous about telling Charlie?"

I sucked in a deep breath and thought about my response. A grown woman should not be afraid to tell her father about a decision she'd made, especially one that made her happy. The problem wasn't so much that he'd be angry, although that's probably how he would initially react. My actual concern was that I'd be breaking his heart. Charlie had a very different picture of what my life should look like, and it didn't include Edward. It did, however, include Jacob.

A sense of unease settled over me as memories rushed to fill my mind.

Until our breakup shortly before my trip to Italy, I had been in love for many years, for most of my life, with Jacob. I'd known him since childhood and our relationship was natural, organic and real, a no brainer, really. He owned my heart in every way from the very beginning. We never made a conscious effort to date, we just were a couple and everyone knew it. We experienced everything that life had to offer together. He'd been there through my happiest times, graduation, first job, birthdays and holidays. He'd been there through my darkest times, first my grandmother's death and then my mother's. We'd experienced the pains and joys of growing up and becoming adults together. There was nothing we didn't know about each other. We'd been each others' first kisses and first times.

He was different from me in every way - his dark skin to my light, his impulsive nature to my reserved one, his easy smile to my cautious demeanour. But that didn't matter. I looked to him to be all the things I could not be and relied on him to make me whole. And I believed that I made him whole too.

And he was fun. Much more fun than I was. It felt like he always had friends around him, attracting people like flies to honey. Everyone wanted to spend time with him, to talk and laugh with him, to have a piece of him. I understood the attraction and was proud to be the one Jacob chose to spend time with. During our high school years we were constantly surrounded by people, the most popular couple in school. If truth be told, however, at times I was a bit jealous of how naturally people were attracted to him. I didn't command as much attention and was not as adored, or so it seemed to me. He was truly the one people wanted to spend time with. But still, it made my heart flutter to think he wanted to spend his time with me, that he was mine.

Of course, my father loved Jacob. He was his best friend's son and, in his mind, things could not have worked out more perfectly. Charlie trusted Jacob by default; in his eyes he could do no wrong. In our youth, that was an advantage. We were not fenced in by tight curfews or overprotective parents like our friends were. Jacob spent countless hours at my house and I at his. And, contrary to what all other fathers in the world were concerned about, my dad seemed not to worry about any mischief we might get into. It would have given Charlie an aneurysm to know that we'd made love in my room for the first time when we were both just 16 years old.

I shook my head. I should not be thinking of Jacob at this moment, with Edward by my side. But, as usual, once I started down this journey into the past I was hard pressed to avoid the memories.

It's funny how I could easily remember the good times, if I chose to - Jacob bringing me flowers, telling me silly jokes when I was down, sneaking up and tickling me unexpectedly. These images brought a smile to my lips. In truth, since I'd met Edward, it was easier to remember and cherish the good times with Jacob. The hurt and disappointment I'd felt was now buried deep. I'd made my peace with the role I'd played in the destruction of my relationship with Jacob and I had Edward to help me move forward.

But, more often than not, the memories that haunted me were the sad ones – the last few months with Jacob had been difficult. My faith in love and my belief in happily ever after had been decimated.

Back then I had been so ready to spend my life with Jacob, for the certainty of waking up next to him every day, for the day to day joys and sorrows, for bringing our children into the world, for growing old together. And I'd thought he was too.

Looking back now, I know I pushed. Once I'd reached the point where I believed that the future had to start immediately, I didn't look back. I wanted to start our lives, to begin the forever I imagined. So I pushed. Actually, I shoved. I spoke of marriage at every turn, picking fights when he didn't respond as I wanted him to, sulking when I didn't get my way. In short, I pushed him away. I see that now, but I didn't see it then. All I understood at that point is that everyone thought we should be moving to the next step – everyone!

All our friends were moving in that direction. Angela and Ben were engaged and I knew that Jessica and Mike were headed there. Why weren't we? It made no sense; we'd been together for so long, so much longer than them. But, as I pushed, he retreated, and I just got angry, not allowing him the opportunity to explain, just feeling betrayed. Because I could not understand his hesitation, I began to doubt his love for me. How could he be pulling away from me after all this time? Did he not love me like he professed to? Did he think I wasn't good enough for him?

Our fights had been explosive and frequent during that time. More and more each day I imagined that there was something he wasn't telling me. Maybe there someone he didn't want me to know about.

"Are you seeing someone else?" I'd demanded during one of our more heated fights. "Is that why you don't want to marry me?"

"Don't be ridiculous Bella." he retorted. "You know that's not true."

"What's the problem then?" I asked.

"Do we have to go into this again? I think we're too young, we're not ready. Look what happened to your parents, married young and divorced just as quickly. Is that what you want for us?"

"You think our love won't last?" I asked, defeated.

I don't even remember his response. Once this thought took hold of my mind and my heart, it was the beginning of the end. Spending time with him only meant that my heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces.

At first he fought me tooth and nail. He told me how much he loved me. He was caring and attentive. He tried to explain his thoughts – that we were too young, that there was so much yet to discover before settling own, that we had plenty of time. He never admitted that he was scared, although looking back it was clearly there in his eyes. But, by that point, I could not see things from his perspective. And so I distanced myself even more and he became quiet. In some far-away corner of my mind, I knew I wasn't being rational and that I was destroying something good. But the emotions were so strong that I was overpowered.

We simply spiralled downwards until there was nothing left to save.

It was a Thursday. I remember it as if it were yesterday although 9 months have passed. We were sitting in the living room of Jacob's small house watching television. Actually, I was pretending to watch. I had made up my mind about what I wanted and had formulated my ultimatum – let's take the next step or let's end this now. I was nervous but also strangely confident of what the outcome of the conversation would be. We loved each other. I just had to be clear about what I wanted and this would work itself out.

As we sat there, I was sure that we were both feeling the tension in the air. Finally, whatever Jacob was watching came to an end. I heard him take a deep breath, probably anticipating my mood. He turned around to look at me and, in true Jacob fashion, asked me if I was hungry.

In that moment, all the emotions of the past months rushed through me and, without thinking any further, I made my demands.

"Look," I said, "I'm tired of all this fighting. You know that I'm ready for us to get married, to start our life together, and I don't understand why you don't want that."

He started to speak, but I held my hand out to stop him. I needed to make the full speech I'd been rehearsing.

"I know there are lots of reasons not to marry early, but this is us, Jake, you and me. We've been together forever. I don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love you. I'm ready, I want to move forward, get married and have children."

"I don't understand why this is so important right now." He interrupted me. "I'm not saying no, just not right now. Is this because of Angela and Ben getting married? Are you jealous of them? We're not them. We need to make decisions that are right for us and this isn't it. I'm tired of you being such a bitch about this."

His final words stung. He'd never used that type of language with me, not during our entire relationship. I snapped.

"Look, it has nothing to do with Ang and Ben," I yelled. "It has to do with you and me, about with what I want. Am I wasting my time here? I feel like you're using me until something better comes along. You know what I want and if you loved me at all, you wouldn't be so hesitant. So what will it be, do you love me enough or should I just walk out that door and never look back?"

The look on his face is one I'll never forget. Stunned, confused and extremely hurt followed immediately by anger and resentment. He looked down to collect himself and I braced myself for what I anticipated would happen next. But there was no more fighting. When he looked up, his mouth was set in a straight line and the sorrow was evident in his eyes. I could see his response to my demands without him speaking any words. Without hesitation and fuelled by my own anger, I stormed out of the house. I saw him standing at the door as I started my truck and heard him call my name, but I did not respond.

I've never been back.

After that, Jacob called and left messages for me every day, several times a day. Always saying the same thing - we needed to talk, to work things out. That he loved me. And eventually, he gave in – saying that he would do whatever made me happy. But I didn't want only my happiness, I wanted his too. I didn't want him to do this for me; I wanted him to need me, just like I needed him.

Of course, I ignored every message and never answered the phone if I saw his number, so he took to coming over unexpectedly. I never answered the door when I heard his car or his motorcycle approach the house. And I steadfastly refused to speak with him. My anger had overtaken my sadness by that point. Eventually, the frequency of the calls and visits slowed from several times a day to several times a week. Then, even less. No one could believe it. No one understood. I didn't understand either. All I knew was that what had been perfect was now lost.

At first, my cheeks were streaked with tears every minute of every day. I was inconsolable. I was sad and angry and confused. Angela and Jessica had tried to comfort me as best they could but I didn't really let them. I wallowed in my misery. And Charlie was angry. He and I never discussed what happened. I don't know if he got the story from Jacob, but I think he must have because I could tell that he blamed me for the break up. He pressed me to give things another try. We began to fight too and eventually, it seemed like I was pushing everyone I loved away.

Funny enough, it was Jessica, in one of her never-ending talks about nothing in particular, who changed my life. She suggested that I should get away. Actually, she suggested that we should go away together but that didn't sit well with me. I enjoyed spending time with Jess but only in small doses. Her idea stuck in my mind though. I had always wanted to do some travelling and this seemed to be a great opportunity. That's when I went to Italy and my life changed.

I had gone to see Jacob when I returned from Italy. I did not want to leave things as they were. Somehow, having Edward in my life made me see more clearly. Jacob and I had just been at different placed and perhaps we didn't know how to express those feeling. I had hurt him deeply and I wanted to make up for that. I didn't want to lose Jacob as my friend. And we were working hard at becoming friends, although, it seemed easier for me to move on, probably because I had Edward, than for him. He occasionally spoke of our past and the future we could still have and I had to remind him that our break up was for the best. I don't think he fully believed me. I'm sure he still loved me and I saw the sadness occasionally creep back into his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking at him. I wanted to erase that sadness because I knew I had put it there and I would work very hard at being a good friend.

It had been difficult to introduce Edward to Jacob. The tension in the room had been palpable. They would probably never like each other and I had come to terms with that, or so I told myself. Jacob had taken me aside and we had fought over his insistence that Edward was my "rebound" man. I decided that we all needed time to get used to our new lives. All I wanted was to move forward and to have everyone in my life be happy and I would do whatever was necessary to make that happen. I wasn't in love with Jacob anymore, but I did love him. I needed him in my life and I needed to be in his.

And now I had to tell Charlie and Jacob that Edward and I were married. I would be breaking both their hearts again. I could anticipate the anger and the sadness and I didn't know if I was strong enough to handle it.

"Hellllooooo...Bella?" Edward waved his hand in front of my face to break me out of my dream. "Are you OK? You haven't answered my question."

"Sorry, I was just thinking about how to tell Charlie." It wasn't the full truth about where my mind had been but I knew that Edward felt a certain amount of jealousy towards Jacob and I didn't want the conversation to move in that direction. He didn't understand why it was so important to me to have Jacob in my life and, try as I might, my explanations didn't make sense to him. So, I would have to make sure to go see Jacob on my own to tell him the news, I didn't want Edward involved in that conversation.

"I think we'll be just fine." I smiled at Edward, and then mumbled to myself "eventually".


	5. Ch 4 Back Home

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks to Cougar and Celeste for their help, support and unending encouragement! Luv you ladies!

Bella's home and the story becomes just a bit harder for her to tell.

**

* * *

****Back Home**

It was good to be back. Even though we were away for just a few short days, I had missed my house and my bed. Edward laughed as I toured each room to reacquaint myself with what was now officially our home. I looked at it with different eyes, the eyes of a married woman who wanted her husband to feel comfortable. When Edward and I returned from Italy, he had moved in temporarily and then had never actually left. But at that point, it was still my house. Now that it was ours, I was excited about making some changes and I knew exactly who could help me. Esme, Edward's mother was an amateur designer and had great taste. I was sure that she'd have insight into what Edward would like and would help me make the right decisions. I made a mental note to ask for her help the next time we saw her. Edward had abandoned me as I did my tour, to go check his email and confirm his travel plans, and now I could hear him at his piano. I stood for a while, just listening to the music, but was interrupted when the phone rang.

"Bella!" exclaimed a familiar voice. "You're home!"

"Hi, Alice," I responded, a grin immediately appearing on my face. "Yes, we just got in. How are you?"

"I'm fine but I missed you guys. You're coming over for dinner tonight," she said with certainty. "Esme insists, and you can't deny her."

She knew me too well; there was no arguing with Alice. We set a time for dinner and chatted happily for a while. After I hung up the phone, I decided that there was no time like the present to call my dad. He would be at work and therefore it should be a short call. I made some small talk with his deputy and then was transferred to Charlie.

"Hi, Dad," I said after he answered the phone in his official Chief Swan voice.

"Bells!" he exclaimed. "How are you? It's been so long since I've talked to you. I'm glad you called. What's up, kiddo?"

I noticed immediately that he did not ask about my trip or about Edward. I couldn't help the sarcastic from coming through in my response.

"I'm fine, Dad, and so is Edward. We had a lovely time on our trip, thanks for asking."

"Sorry Bells," he replied in a low voice that was not as full of enthusiasm as it had just been a second ago. "I'm glad you had a good time."

I immediately felt guilty.

"Thanks, Dad," I continued. "It has definitely been a while since you've been to our place." I paused to make sure he heard the emphasis I had placed on the word "our", but he made no comment, so I continued with the invitation for dinner the next night. I was met with silence on the other end of the phone, then a sharp intake of breath. It was almost as if he sensed something was coming.

"Sure Bella, that sounds good. What time do you want me?"

We made our plans and, with relief, I hung up the phone. In the background, Edward was still playing the piano. When he'd moved in, he'd brought some things out of storage and, of course, his piano was one of them. The living room was the only room in the house large enough to hold the piano. I followed the sound of the music and, when I reached him, I stood behind him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Do you like it?" he asked, referring to the music he was playing.

"Yes!" I replied, almost in a whisper. There was such magic in the air when he played that I hated to disturb it by speaking. He stopped playing, reached around and pulled my down to sit alongside him on the piano bench.

"I wrote it for you, you know," he announced. "Actually, I think that everything I write now is for you."

I leaned over and kissed his cheek, laying my lead on his shoulder as he began to play again. In a low voice I told him about the phone calls and our commitments for dinner tonight with his family and tomorrow night with Charlie. When I spoke of the dinner with my father, Edward squared his shoulders like he was bracing himself against what he anticipated was coming his way, then he turned to me and smiled.

"It will be fine, Bella." He tried to reassure me, but his voice was not a very convincing. "So, when are we due at Mom and Dad's tonight?"

"Bella!"

I heard my name before I saw Alice. She pushed past Edward and gave me a hug.

"Hello, Alice," he said sarcastically.

She wrinkled her nose at him and said, "Dinner's going to be a few minutes. As usual, Carlisle is running late and Esme went to pick him up. You'd think that hospital would come to a standstill without him." She made another face at Edward and led us through to the kitchen asking, "Who wants a drink?"

As I raised my hand to indicate that I would like a drink, Edward grabbed it and held it behind his back. I realized that he didn't want Alice noticing the ring just yet; that he wanted to wait and tell everyone once his parents got home. Just then, Emmett, Edward's older brother, walked in from the yard with his wife Rose, and Alice's fiancé Jasper. They all had drinks in hand and were chatting amiably. We spent a few minutes discussing our trip and, avoiding the topic of the wedding. Edward was still holding my hand tightly behind his back and, of course, Emmett noticed. Never the subtle one, Emmett called out, "Ed, my man, you can let go of her now, I'm sure she won't run away!"

He chuckled and turned to Rose. "Remember when we first met?" he asked, grabbing her and pulling her into a tight embrace and passionate kiss.

"Ugh, get a room," Jasper joked, picking up a dishtowel off the countertop and tossing it across the room to hit Emmet. Everyone laughed when it hit Carlisle instead as he walked into the kitchen.

"Nice way to welcome your hard-working father," he chastised with a grin.

Everyone turned to greet the newcomers and then everything seemed to happen at once. Esme came over to give me a hug, which I returned, after tugging out of Edward's grasp. Alice, having seen the ring, began squealing with delight and the whole kitchen erupted noisily. Questions were being thrown at us from all angles as Alice danced around, my hand in hers, singing, "I'm planning the wedding, I'm planning the wedding!"

It took a while, but once Edward was finally able to get everyone's attention, he announced that we were already married. For a moment, there was silence and then the congratulations, the hugs and the handshakes began, once again filling the kitchen with noise. Alice dropped my hand and walked to the other side of the kitchen, a pensive look on her face. I had anticipated that she would be the one who would be most upset by not being involved in the wedding and, obviously, I was correct. As I walked towards her she put up her hand to stop me, a determined look on her face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked in a serious voice.

"Alice," I began, but she put up her hand again to stop me.

"It was his idea, wasn't it?" she asked, indicating Edward with a quick flick of her head. "Don't deny it," she continued. "I know it was him." She took a deep breath and focussed an angry glare at Edward before looking back at me. "Don't worry Bella, I don't blame you."

"Alice," I tried again, but she held up her hand to stop me.

"You two owe me," she announced. "I cannot let this go uncelebrated; the family cannot let this go. We will have a reception, and I will plan it." Again the hand came up. "No, there will be no arguments. There will be a party and I will let you know when I have the details."

Everyone stood and stared, waiting for my response. I looked at Edward; he had been no help during all of this and now just stood there and shrugged his shoulders at me. I guessed we were having a party.

I gave up. "OK Alice, that sounds nice."

A small smile played on Alice's lips and I knew it would be fine. The rest of the evening went smoothly with a delicious meal and the discussion revolving around the details of our big day. Alice still looked a bit put out but became animated as she discussed her ideas for the party. Everyone seemed to think it was a good idea and I made a mental note to make sure I remained on top of all the details. I didn't want Alice's plans to get out of hand.

"That went well," Edward commented on our way home. "Let's hope tomorrow is the same."

I got up early the next morning to prep for Charlie's visit, chopping onions, carrots and potatoes for his favourite stew. I wanted it to simmer all day, hoping the delicious meal might help soften him up. I was jumpy and nervous when the doorbell rang at 6pm. I had not been able to convince Edward that I should break the news to my dad on my own, so he followed me to the door and stood there as I opened it.

"Hi dad," I said with true enthusiasm. It had been a while since I'd seen him and I felt the weight of that on me now. I should make it a priority to see him more often.

"Bella," he replied, giving me a quick hug and a big smile.

"Edward," he said nodding, in Edward's direction.

"Hello Charlie." Edward stretched out his hand in response. My father took it stiffly. Edward was always polite to my father, not just because he knew it made me happy, but also because it was his nature to be respectful. It was one of the things I loved about him.

I hung up Charlie's coat and, as was our custom, we walked straight into the kitchen to sit and talk. Immediately, Charlie commented on the delicious smell coming from the stew pot and I assured him there would be enough for him to take home leftovers. We chatted happily for a while, catching up on what was going on in Charlie's life and discussing our trip. Edward did his best to participate in the discussion but my dad mostly spoke to me. Unlike Alice, my dad didn't notice the ring and that was fine by me.

After the dishes were cleaned up, we went to sit in the living room and my heart started to beat quickly. Maybe it was just me, but the air seemed to be filled with tension. I chastised myself internally; there was no reason to be acting like such a silly little girl. To my surprise, my Dad broke the silence with a question for Edward.

"So, Edward, I understand that you're going to be away for a while," Charlie began with a small smile on his lips.

"That's right; I'm touring Europe for two months. I leave tomorrow for Madrid." Edward looked at me with a small frown on his face.

"I'll be flying out to meet him whenever I can," I interjected. "My first visit will be France in just a couple of weeks."

Charlie had a thoughtful expression on his face, as if he were processing this information carefully. Then, coming to some sort of conclusion, he nodded and said absentmindedly, "That's good."

"So, dad," I started, looking quickly over at Edward who gave me an encouraging smile. "We have some great news to share with you and we hope you'll be as happy as we are."

Charlie looked at me suspiciously, focussing intently on my face and then slowly turning towards Edward with a stone-like expression. When he didn't say anything, I had to push down an uncontrollable urge to get up and run. The silence seemed to linger.

"Charlie," Edward broke in, "I love Bella and all I want is to make her happy. We're married, Charlie. We got married in Las Vegas and we're ecstatic about our future together. We're hoping that you will be happy for us as well."

Charlie stood staring at Edward for a minute, then turned to face me, his mouth hanging open. For a minute, the only sound I heard was the frantic beating of my heart. Finally, Charlie seemed to collect his thought and turned once again to Edward.

"I'd like a minute with my daughter, please."

"Charlie, I - " Edward made an attempt to speak.

"No!" Charlie countered. "I need to speak to my daughter. Right now. Alone."

I put my hand on Edward's arm, silently letting him know that it was probably a good idea for him to go and leave me with my dad.

"Edward, can you please go make us all some coffee?" I asked. "I'll be there in a minute to help you."

Edward was not happy with my request, but he took a deep breath and, with a quick glance at Charlie, headed towards the kitchen. I knew he would be pacing and listening and I hoped that he wouldn't come back until our discussion was done.

"Listen, Dad," I said as soon as Edward left the room.

"No, you listen," he countered. "I have some things to say and I want you to listen to me for a change."

I glared at him, folding my arms in front of me in a defiant gesture. I knew it would do me no good to argue, so I sat down and waited for him say his piece. He followed my lead and sat in the chair opposite me.

"Bells," he said, "I want you to be happy but I also know that this, this, whatever it is, is happening too soon."

I bit my lip and waited, knowing that he wasn't done and understanding my father enough to know that he wouldn't stop and listen to me until he'd gotten everything off his chest.

He got up and began to pace. It was ironic since I could imagine Edward doing the same thing in the other room. Under different circumstances it would have made me smile.

"You've never been one to jump into things," he continued. "You're cautious and smart about your actions. This is not smart, it's irresponsible. Marriage is an important step, one you should only take when you are absolutely sure. You hardly know this boy. I hardly know him, or his intentions, or his background. Why on earth would you jump into something like this? It's crazy, that's what it is, crazy and reckless!"

He continued to pace and I continued to stare straight at him, my face expressionless even though I wanted to shout, to rant, to cry.

"Didn't you learn anything from what happened to your mom and me? Getting married to young and too quickly was a mistake, look how we ended up. I don't want this for you. I want you to have a stable, happy marriage that lasts forever, with someone you know and love. You deserve it, Bells, and I'm not sure this is right for you, not with him."

That was it; I couldn't just sit and listen to any more of this.

"His name is Edward, Dad, and I love him," I shouted. "I know you don't know him well, and, truthfully, I blame you for that. You haven't given him a chance. He is wonderful and caring and everything I want in a husband. And, we're both smart enough to know what we're doing."

"How can you say that?" he shouted back. "You hardly know each other!"

"Dad, you hardly know Edward because you haven't made any effort to get to know him but I have been with him virtually every day for 6 months. I know all about him and his past and his dreams and everything that matters!"

My blood was boiling now and I didn't want to say anything I'd regret, but I also didn't know how to get through to him. I tried another angle.

"Would you and Mom have liked it if people told you that you were making a mistake?" I demanded.

"They did tell us, we didn't listen and it turns out they were right! I don't want you to experience that! That sadness, that frustration, it's not what I want for you. I didn't ever want to see you make the same mistakes I did."

"This is not a mistake, it's what I want and you'll just have to learn to live with it!"

We stared at each other, apparently both out of words. Charlie started to walk towards the front door and I followed.

"Dad," I said.

"Charlie," I heard Edwards voice. I didn't hear him walk towards me but all of a sudden he was there.

"Listen, I need some time to think about this, Bella. We need to talk about it some more but not right now because I'm not thinking straight." He was putting on his coat as he spoke and opening the door.

"Dad," I tried again.

"Not now, Bella," he said, taking a quick look in Edward's direction. "Later, when we can be alone."

He walked quickly out the door, getting into the cruiser and driving away. I stood at the door, my mouth hanging open and a million emotions coursing through me. Edward turned me towards him, shutting the door and hugging me tightly.

"He'll come around, just give him time."

I nodded my head against his chest; his shirt was already wet with my tears.


	6. Ch 5 First Goodbye

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks to Cougar for her support and to Celeste, my comma police, for keeping me in line grammatically and for her incredible suggestions! Couldn't do it without them!

I know that this story is Bella's to tell, but Edward asked for some time to share what's on his mind...and who am I to deny him? Of course, Bella will also give us insight into the current situation and how it's affecting her.

**

* * *

****First Goodbye**

**EPOV**

My blood was still boiling, even after a night's sleep. Admittedly, it was a bad night's sleep as I tossed and turned, and worried about Bella, but still, enough time had passed, and I should be able to think more clearly. The way Bella had cried after Charlie left last night had broken my heart, and there was nothing I could do, except comfort her. I could not give her any assurances, and I could not magically make everything right again. I ached to go to Charlie's place and give him a piece of my mind, but I didn't want to make things worse. I didn't want to hurt Bella any more than she was already hurting. If truth be told, I didn't trust myself not to punch him. I'd known he wouldn't be as supportive as my family, after all, he and I hadn't exactly bonded, but his outburst surprised even me. I had expected hurt, perhaps some anger and slightly raised voices due to the fact that we'd kept it a secret. What I hadn't anticipated was the utter condemnation of the situation and the hatred in the words he spoke.

His reaction to the news of our marriage was inappropriate and inexcusable. He had hurt her terribly, ruined what should have been a happy time between father and daughter. It had made me angry, and more protective of Bella than I had ever been before. The knot that had formed in my stomach last night was still there, and again I thought about going to Charlie's house to confront him. I would love to get him alone and say all the things that were running through my mind, but I couldn't. Although the whole situation frustrated and angered me, I was leaving today, and there was no way I'd give up even a minute with Bella. I certainly wouldn't do anything to upset her further. Maybe I'd call him once I was more removed from the situation. I would have to do something.

I sighed and felt that knot tighten in my stomach. There was so much more to it than just Charlie's outburst. Truthfully, that knot was also of Bella's doing. I was still disturbed and confused by what she had done last night when she had asked me to leave her alone with Charlie. I could tell by the look on Charlie's face that he was not happy, and that their conversation would be unpleasant. All I had wanted was to protect her, and to defend us, but she hadn't let me, choosing to deal with the situation herself. I didn't understand why she had made her decision at the time, and I still hadn't come to terms with it today. I'd always thought that we'd deal with adversity together, after all, isn't that what married couples do? Her insistence that I leave them, as if I were not an important part of the discussion, deflated me. In that moment, I had wanted to confront her, to ask why she didn't want me at her side, why she did not want my help. Instead, I left, simply because she asked me to. In the kitchen, I put my own hurt aside and paced like a madman, listening to the terrible things he was saying to her, and using every ounce of my will power to keep myself from going back out there to confront him. I knew that my interfering would only make things harder for Bella. So I stayed in the kitchen, and listened to his claims that we were rushing into marriage, and that it would not last. Of course, I also heard his message that I was not good enough for her. That point was made loud and clear, and I wondered if, deep down, Bella believed any of what she was hearing.

This morning while she was still sleeping, I came down to the kitchen, intent on making her breakfast. Instead, I sat at the kitchen table with my head on top of my folded arms, considering what Charlie had said. Were we rushing? Did I, in any way, pressure her to do this? And the most troubling question of all...was I good enough for her? My mind was a jumble of thoughts. I'd been sitting here for over an hour, and had come to only one conclusion. Charlie was wrong. Bella and I had done the right thing, we got married because we loved each other, and we would make this work, with or without Charlie's support. I shook my head and wished it was that simple. Bella would never be happy until Charlie accepted our marriage, so I would do whatever it took to make that happen.

A sound from upstairs roused me from my thoughts, Bella was awake, and I could hear her moving about. Today would have to be about us, just Bella and me. It was our last day together for a few weeks, and I needed it to be a happy one. I squared my shoulders, took in a deep breath to put all thoughts of Charlie out of my mind, and went up to join my wife.

When I reached the bedroom, I heard the water running in the shower. I noticed she had not yet made the bed, and that my pillow appeared wet. She had been crying again, and my heart ached. I wanted to distract her from her pain and I knew exactly how. I walked towards the bathroom, stripping off my clothes as I went, and stood for a moment at the door. I could see the outline of her body through the frosted glass; she stood motionless under the strong spray, her back slightly arched, her breasts pushed forward and her nipples erect. I watched as the water rushed down her body, dripping from her to the shower floor, and my body reacted quickly. Suddenly, I was painfully aroused and thankful I had already discarded my clothes.

* * *

When I became aware that I was awake, I tried to open my eyes, but it felt like they were glued shut from the tears I had shed last night. As I lay there, waiting for my mind to become fully conscious, I remembered the events of yesterday. My head started to ache, and then, my heart. I reached to my left, blindly feeling for the one thing that could make it all better. But the bed was empty, he had already gotten up. I rolled over onto his side of the bed and that small move made me feel closer to him, soothed me. I shut my eyes tight; wanting to go back to sleep, but my mind was too full, and it betrayed me. I relived, quite clearly, the discussion with my dad last night. I could hear his words repeated in my thoughts, his angry voice saying that we were rushing, that we were not thinking, and that I was being irresponsible. I was so glad that I had asked Edward to leave; I didn't want him to see, first hand, the anger on my dad's face, and the hurt on mine. Of course, he had heard it all from the kitchen, but knowing that I protected him, in just that small way, gave me comfort. This whole situation made me so angry and sad. Tears popped to my eyes, and I buried my head in Edward's pillow. I could smell his scent, and it helped to relax me, but the thoughts of the argument with Charlie would not go away. How could he just assume I had jumped into this without thinking? Was it just because his marriage had failed, or did he really dislike Edward that much?

I thought he knew me better than that.

Since my mom had died, it had been just me and Charlie. We had helped each other through the sadness, and, during those difficult days, I had come to realize that he still loved my mother, even though their marriage had ended badly. For the first time, I heard stories of their life together, both good and bad. Charlie talked about how difficult it was to realize that they really didn't belong together, that they were too different and the pain of ending the relationship. We comforted each other, and grew closer in the process. The two of us had formed such a tight bond that I was sure nothing could ever come between us. _Obviously, you're wrong_, I thought, feeling my sadness growing. I could not stand the idea that Charlie and I would lose what we had. I rubbed at my eyes in frustration, realizing that I was crying again. How could I fix this? The question rolled around in my mind, over and over, and made my head hurt even more. I needed Charlie, he was my family, and I could not imagine my world without his support and love. I had to fix this. Maybe it was a good thing that Edward was leaving today, at least as far as this situation was concerned. I could use this time to talk some sense into my dad, make him understand, before Edward's return. Yes, that's exactly what I would do, and I would not to let too much time pass. I'd go talk to him today, after dropping Edward off at the airport. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to steady my heart and stop the tears. Now that I'd come to that conclusion, I simply had to prepare to execute it. I began to get up, resolute in my decision, and already considering what to say to my father. I realized, as I looked down at Edward's pillow, that it was wet, and that I must look a mess after all the tears. I needed to shower before going downstairs to find my husband.

I glanced at the mirror as I walked into the bathroom, a definite mistake. I looked terrible, my cheeks were streaked with dry tears, my eyes were red and bloodshot, and my skin was pallid. A shower would do me good. I got in and turned the water on as hot as my body could handle, then I stood under the spray with my eyes closed. The heat washed over me, and began to penetrate deep into my core, relaxing me. I promised myself I wouldn't move until I ran out of hot water.

The shower door opened, startling me, and allowing cool air to come in along with Edward. The smile that crossed my lips was interrupted quickly when his mouth found mine. His kiss was needy, and I could feel his arousal as he pressed against me. The hot water was now running down over both our bodies. He grabbed my behind with his big hands, pulling me closer to him, and increasing the friction as he rubbed himself against me. The feel of his erection was exactly what I needed right now, a confirmation that we were meant for each other. I moaned into his mouth, and pulled myself more tightly against him, needing to feel even more friction. He broke our kiss and stepped back, quickly taking my left breast in his mouth, his tongue flicking and licking at my nipple. The sensation made me arch my back and groan. I put one hand up against the shower wall to steady myself, and reached for him with the other. Once I had my fingers wrapped around him, I began slowly sliding my hand up and down, trying to keep my touch light, but failing because of my sudden need. Edward growled against my breast, and the sensation almost made me come undone. Pushing me up against the shower wall, he began exploring my mouth with his tongue once again, more urgently this time. I refused to let go of him, and maintained a rhythm I knew he liked. Suddenly, I felt his fingers enter me and I cursed out loud, due in part to surprise, but also to the overwhelming feeling of having him inside me. He pumped his fingers hard and, in an instant, I knew I couldn't hold on any longer. He sensed the change in me, the ragged way I pulled in my breaths and how my body had stiffened, and removed his fingers quickly, lifting me up with his hands, and lowering me slowly onto him. I wrapped my legs around him for support. The feeling of having Edward inside me was indescribable. He filled me completely and was so attuned to my rhythm. My back was pinned against the wall, and the cold tile was the polar opposite to the heat coming from Edward's body. Over and over he entered me and pulled out, setting a frantic pace until, finally, I couldn't hold on any longer. As my body shook with the force of my release, I felt Edward tense, and heard his growl of satisfaction. Once our breathing became more regular, he kissed me tenderly and hugged me close to him.

"I am going to miss you so much," I said as he put me back on my feet.

The water was cool now, and we were wet, but not clean.

"Me too, and I'm definitely going to miss this," he said, running his hand along my jaw and kissing me again softly.

I sighed, "I guess we should get out before we freeze to death. We'll have to wait for some hot water before we can have our showers."

"I don't mind waiting," he whispered, "I've got some ideas on how to kill time!"

In a swift movement, he picked me up and flung me over his shoulder, carrying me out to the bedroom, and laying me down on the bed. I lay back, my legs dangling over the side. Edward towered above me, a wicked grin on his lips. He lowered himself onto his knees, gently pushing my legs apart, and I moaned in anticipation. I felt his fingers slowly trace circles on my inner thigh, each pass getting closer and closer to where I needed them. I began to squirm, and push my body nearer to him, the familiar feeling, the heat inside me, beginning to build again. I reached down, grasping his hair, and pulling his face close to me. He knew what I wanted, and, suddenly, I felt his tongue exploring me. He nibbled slowly, rubbing his lips against me, and flicking his tongue into me, causing the fire inside me to burn even hotter. By the time he thrust his fingers deep inside me, I was having trouble lying still. I gasped and arched my back, wanting nothing more than to push him deeper into me.

Understanding my need, he thrust harder, pushing his fingers deeper, curling them, and moving them faster. My moans were embarrassingly loud, but I couldn't really make myself care. Sensing how close I was to release, he gently put his hand under me, lifting me up off the bed, and onto my feet. With a gentle nudge, he coaxed me to turn around. As I bent over, putting my elbows down on the bed, I could feel his erection pressed up against me. I rubbed myself against him, and heard his sharp intake of breath. He reached down and grasped my breast, rubbing my nipple between his fingers, while placing wet kisses along my back. I was desperate now to have him inside me and, as if he read my mind, Edward grasped my hips, pushing himself into me and setting frantic pace, thrusting hard and fast and taking us both quickly over the edge again.

I watched as Edward finished his packing, knowing that in a few short hours he'd be gone, and I wouldn't see him again for several weeks. I was working hard to keep the look on my face as neutral as possible, not to give in to the tears that were threatening to burst from my eyes. I needed Edward to feel confident that I would be alright without him, and shedding tears would definitely undermine that. _There's plenty of time to cry later_, I reminded myself. I was quite good at compartmentalizing my feelings, pushing them aside until I had time to deal with them, and that's exactly what I would do now. Occasionally, as he walked to the closet, or opened a drawer, he would look at me, a small crease on his forehead, and I'd smile the biggest smile I could manage. I think we were both playing the same game, trying not to add stress to an already unpleasant situation.

He had wanted to take a taxi to the airport, but I had insisted that I would take him. Now, as I thought about how close I was to tears, I was no longer sure it was such a good idea. I tried to concentrate on the fact that I would see him again in three weeks, very soon really, but my mind would not cooperate. It swirled around like ride at an amusement park, quickly showing me glimpses of things I didn't want to think about: being without Edward, my father's unhappiness and how I would deal with it, telling Jacob I was married, keeping tabs on Alice's party plans, putting enough words on paper to keep my editor happy. It was all too much, but, by far, the most devastating was part was knowing that I would be alone to handle all these things. I had come to rely on Edward's support, maybe too much so, and I dreaded the fact that he would not be here to help me through all of these challenges.

_How had everything become so difficult_, I wondered. Three days ago, I was in Las Vegas, enjoying the fact that I was a new bride. Today I was saying goodbye to my husband and fighting an uphill battle with my father.

"I think I'm done."

Edward's voice surprised me and brought me back to reality. I smiled at him, and then looked at the clock on the bedside table. We needed to leave for the airport shortly. I stood up and walked towards him, hugging him tightly when I reached him.

"I'm going to miss you terribly," I sighed, and put my finger up to his lips to keep him from speaking. "But, this is the last time I'm going to say that because I know you already know it. I am so proud of you, and I will be with you wherever you go, cheering you on in every city, whether I'm there in person or not." I reached up and kissed his nose. "Now, I think it's time to go."

He pulled me tighter, hugging me until I could barely breathe, and then kissed me softly and deeply. With one last lingering touch, he caressed my face, sighed, and broke away from me to pick up his bags. I grabbed the car keys from the bureau, and watched as he walked away, luggage in hand.


	7. Ch 6 Reality Bites

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks to Cougar for the support and to Celeste for her comments and suggestions. They made this chapter better than I ever could have and I couldn't do it without them!

I know it's been a while and I apologize for that. Bella's story is getting more difficult to tell at this point and it takes her longer to collect her thoughts and share her memories! You will also note that someone else wants to share their feelings at the end of this chapter and, as usual, I let him do it. Please let me know what you think...your reviews are like air to me!

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****Reality Bites**

I'd been sitting in Charlie's driveway for 15 minutes. I was sure he knew I was there, but he didn't come out to get me and I didn't make a move towards the door. I was busy gathering my thoughts and formulating my arguments and, of course, hiding from what I knew I had to do. I had called my dad earlier to let him know I'd be coming over to talk about last night. He was more quiet than usual during our call and I could tell that he was reluctant to return to the subject so quickly. He had tried to get out of the visit by claiming he might be working late today and I had almost given in to his wishes, but this situation was important and I needed to tackle it head on. So, I insisted, telling him I'd be by in the afternoon and would wait for him if he worked late. I was pushy and I knew it, but the sooner we talked about this the better.

After I had dropped Edward off at the airport, said my goodbyes, and cried a few tears in my parked car, I had set off towards Charlie's. Traffic had been light, much to my dismay, and I'd made it to my dad's place in record time. Even though I already knew what I wanted to say, I sat in the car unable to make the move to the front door. I knew this wouldn't be an easy discussion and I was already tired and emotional from seeing Edward off. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all_, my mind informed me.

I grasped the steering wheel tightly and took a deep breath,_ don't be such a chicken_, I told myself. I slowly got out of the car and saw movement in the living room window as I walked up the path towards the house. Charlie was obviously waiting for me. The door opened just as I raised my hand to knock, and suddenly I was face to face with my father. For a split second, I saw pain in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by resolve. This was not going to be a fun visit.

"Hi, Bells," he said quietly and reached out to hug me as was his custom.

"Hi, Dad," I responded, holding on to him longer than I knew he was comfortable with, trying to communicate that I wanted all of this to be over.

"Hey, Bella."

My body reacted immediately as I heard the familiar voice. I stiffened, stepped away from my father and looked down the hallway, straight into Jacob's eyes. I turned towards Charlie, a with a questioning look and he shrugged.

"I told Jake you were coming by, so he stopped in to say hello," Charlie informed me, his eyes pointed directly at the floor as he spoke.

I swallowed hard, trying to decide what to do next. My mind was working in circles, attempting to figure out what this was all about. Why was Jacob here? Why had my father called to tell him I was coming by? What was going on? _Maybe I should just leave_, I thought to myself. I was already feeling the anger building and I knew this would not end well.

"Long time, no see!"

Jacob's voice broke me free of my thoughts and I looked up to find him standing right next to me where my father had just been. I looked around, confused, and saw Charlie standing in the doorway to the living room.

"I'll just give you guys some time to talk," Charlie said while slowly backing into the other room.

"Dad," I began, but he continued to back away.

I was suddenly caught up in a bear hug. "Jake!" I squirmed, freeing myself from his grasp and stepping back. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, your dad told me you were coming over today and since I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks..." he trailed off, shrugging and grinning.

It was that shy, beautiful grin that I had always loved. Back in the day, that grin had been my undoing; I could never deny him when he flashed that smile at me. But today it just made me angry. How could I have my discussion with Charlie if Jake was here?

"Look, Jake," I began, "I really need to speak to my father, so maybe we can catch up another time."

"Aw, come on Bells, talk to me. I came all this way just to see you, and Charlie tells me that congratulations are in order." There was that smile again, but this time it didn't quite reach his eyes.

I was certainly not in the mood to discuss my marriage with Jake. I wanted to clear things up with my dad first. I looked around but he had disappeared. Obviously, Charlie was willing to do anything to avoid talking to me. I was surprised that he'd pull this kind of trick. I walked around Jake, heading towards the kitchen where I imagined my father would be. I stalked down the hallway, trying to control the anger that was bubbling inside me. I knew that anger was the wrong emotion to be feeling if I was going to talk to Charlie, but I was already feeling cornered and unsure. I could hear Jake's footsteps as he followed closely behind me.

"Dad," I started, but realized that he wasn't there. Where had he gone?

"Guess he's not here," Jacob stated the obvious, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I turned quickly, looking him straight in the eye and doing my best to speak in an even tone.

"Jake, I really need to speak to Charlie. I don't think that it's a good idea for you to be here. Can we talk later?"

He looked around the little kitchen slowly and purposefully.

"I don't see him around Bella, maybe we should just chat until he gets back."

I sighed. Could this day get any harder? With a determination I didn't really feel, I stepped around Jacob again and headed out the back door to the yard, still looking for Charlie. Where on earth was that man hiding?

"Dad," I called, but no one answered. "Dad?" I tried again. Nothing.

I looked down at my feet, trying to collect myself and figure out what to do next. Obviously Charlie wasn't ready to talk. He'd never been one to face these types of personal issues head on, but this was new. I'd never actually seen him hide from a problem, mentally or physically. It scared me to think that my marriage was so distressing to him that he would act this way. Perhaps I shouldn't have called to warn him I was coming, it had given him too much time to think, worry and plan. I would have to come back and, next time, it would be a surprise visit. I walked back towards the kitchen and saw Jake standing in the doorway. I briefly considered just going out through the back gate and heading straight for my car, but I knew that Jacob would probably follow me anyway. I really didn't want to get into a discussion with him at this point. Jake didn't like Edward any more than my father did and I could only imagine what was going through his mind. As I approached the door I could see that Jake wasn't actually looking at me. It seemed like he was looking out into the yard, his mind a million miles away.

"Excuse me," I said and he looked back at me almost as if he was surprised to see me there. "I think I'll get going. I'll talk to you and Charlie another time."

As I tried to walk around him to get inside the house, he stopped me, placing his hand on my arm.

"Bella," he began.

I didn't want to hear it, didn't want to talk to him right now. I'd prepared myself for a difficult conversation with Charlie and I didn't have the energy in me to think about a different discussion, not with Jacob or with anyone else I loved for that matter. I looked up into his face and saw sadness and defeat in his eyes. I don't know what I was expecting to see but those emotions disarmed me and I froze on the spot looking up into this wounded face.

"I just want you to know that all I want is for you to be happy. I want you to have everything you want in life, Bella. Of course, I always imagined that it would be me who would give you everything," he trailed off, the last few words spoken almost in a whisper. And there it was, the reason we had broken up, so obvious to me but not to Jake. He had always said he wanted what I wanted, but he had never actually acted on it. It still made me angry and sad to think about it, but the last thing I needed now was to get into a war of words with him or to point out that the choice had been his. I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath.

"Thanks, Jake, it means a lot to me that you want my happiness. You know I want yours too." I started moving towards the hallway, intent on getting to my car as quickly as possible. But, once again, he stopped me in my tracks.

"Bella, I know that I didn't give you what you needed, what you wanted, but I can't believe that you jumped into this so quickly. It's as if what we had wasn't really important to you."

The words stung because they were untrue in so many ways. I had not jumped into my marriage with Edward too quickly and what Jacob and I had meant everything to me, it was a part of who I was. I could see that any hope of ending this conversation painlessly was now gone.

"I was trying to give you time and space," he continued when I didn't speak, "and suddenly I find out that you're married. I thought that guy was just a fling or a rebound, a way for you to get back at me. I can't believe you jumped into this. I can't believe you fell for him so quickly. It can't possibly be love, not a love like ours anyway. I think you're confused about your feelings, Bella."

My hands were so tightly balled into fists at my side that my nails were cutting into my palms. I did not want to be cruel, but my emotions were getting the best of me. Although his comments were made in a soft and sad tone, my response came out more harshly.

"His name is Edward, Jake. Edward and I are in love and that is why we got married. This had nothing to do with you or with us. Our relationship is in the past, Jacob. I'm moving on and I think you need to do the same. You and I are friends now and I love it that you are part of my life. But, if you can't accept this and be happy for me then I don't see how we can stay in each other's lives, even as friends."

Suddenly, tears sprang to my eyes and I brushed them away quickly. My words had actually surprised and hurt me as much as I had intended for them to hurt him. I didn't want to imagine not having Jacob around, we had shared so much. He was woven into every thread of my past, every memory and every event. I wanted so badly for us to be friends that I couldn't believe I might have to cut him out of my life. But this was his decision, I reminded myself. If he could not accept Edward, I didn't see how it could work.

We stared at each other, neither of us moving or even breathing.

"Don't say that," he said softly, his voice heavy with emotion. "I love you, Bella. I cannot imagine living without you."

He put his big hand on my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I stiffened at the contact but was unable to pull away. My eyes were locked with his and my body refused to move.

"I blame myself for this situation," he continued, "it's my fault you've gone and done this. It's my fault that you've made this decision. I ruined everything."

"No," I finally found my voice, "we're both meant to find happiness elsewhere, that's all. It was destiny that I found Edward. I am happier now than I could ever have imagined. He is perfect for me; he is exactly what I need."

"Stop," he commanded, "I can't..."

He left his thought unfinished and began walking down the hall. I turned and watch his back as he walked out the front door. Suddenly, the weight of what had just happened was overwhelming. I sank to the floor, resting my head against my knees and sobbing loudly. What was happening? My husband was gone, my father was mad at me and now I was losing Jake. I jumped as Charlie put his hand on my back and then tentatively stroked my hair. The gesture was meant to be loving, but it only served to make me more upset. I shrugged his hand away and quickly got to my feet.

"How could you, Dad?" I asked, my voice shaking with both grief and anger. "How could you ask Jake to come here? You must have known what would happen. What were you thinking?"

I quickly walked towards the front door, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as I went. When I got to there, I turned to find Charlie right behind me, as I knew he would be.

"I can't talk to you right now," I informed him and quickly jogged to my car. I had to get out of here. I needed time to think about everything. I needed to be alone.

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****JPOV**

That did not go at all like I planned and I was fucking furious at the whole situation. When I left Charlie's place, I walked purposefully towards my bike, needing to get away. I stopped as I reached it, realizing that I had no idea where to go. I kicked the front tire in frustration. Knowing that I probably shouldn't drive in my current state of mind anyway, I turned and walked into the woods that bordered Charlie's house. I thought that a walk would do me good, but instead, I felt angrier and more helpless than ever. For once, I was grateful that I knew these woods inside and out. I walked in circles, avoiding fallen logs and muddy puddles, picking up rocks and twigs and throwing them around aimlessly.

When Charlie had called to give me the news about Bella marrying that guy, I was angry and devastated. I knew that all of this was my fault. I had literally pushed her into the arms of that loser by being too scared to marry her. For months I had been trying to give her space, give her the time she needed. When she came home with him in tow, I was devastated, but I convinced myself that it was a passing phase, nothing to worry about; she'd be over him soon. We had so much history and I loved her so much that I didn't even once consider she did not feel the same way about me anymore. I thought she was just trying to hurt me like I'd hurt her. I'd stupidly convinced myself that she had no feelings for him outside of the desire to prove her point. I had confronted her and we'd fought on several occasions. And, of course, my blood boiled at the thought that he was touching her, touching my Bella. I didn't know what to do, so I'd spoken to Charlie who seemed convinced, as I was that she'd tire of him and "come to her senses" as he put it. I was just biding my time until I got her back. But that opportunity seemed lost now. Had she really given her heart to someone else?

"No," I shouted into the woods, scaring some small birds in a nearby tree.

"No," I repeated with conviction.

I would not let this happen. It was my fault this had gone this far and it would stop now. This would not be the end of us. I continued to walk, talking to myself. Why had I not fought harder, why had I stood by and watched this happen? There had to be something I could do. I needed to think and I needed a plan.

I would not lose my Bella.


	8. Ch 7 New Information

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks to Celeste and Cougar for their help, support and unending encouragement! Luv you ladies!

Bella's got a lot to deal with at the moment with Charlie and Jake and Edward's in Europe. She's trying to deal with it on her own and is glad he doesn't have to deal with any of the drama. But Edward's got stuff going on in his life too and wants to share, so I gave him a voice and let him tell us what's going on.

Please let me know what you think!

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****New Information**

When I parked the car in my own driveway, I was exhausted. All the way home I had thought of nothing but my discussion with Jake. I went over it again and again, with my mind repeating the words and showing me the pictures in a continuous loop. I relived his declaration that he still loved me, my assertion that he had to move on, and my pronouncement that if he didn't we couldn't be friends. And I had watched him walk away, head down and shoulders slumped, and sadder than I'd seen him in a very long time.

I wasn't even sure how I'd gotten home. I didn't remember the roads with their stop signs and traffic lights, didn't recall the other cars or pedestrians, but somehow I had found my way even though my mind was busy elsewhere.

The walk from the front door to the sofa seemed long. I sunk down into the comfy cushions and put my head in my hands. I was surprised to find that my cheeks were wet; I hadn't even realized that I'd been crying and felt angry with myself for letting it affect me this way. I wiped at my eyes roughly and let out a ragged breath. What I needed to do was think, not cry. I had to get all of this sorted out.

I sat there for a very long time, wishing that Edward wasn't so far away, and that I could lean on him to help me get through this. But since that wasn't an option, I had to answer my own questions and determine what to do next. I thought about Charlie first. I hadn't actually spoken to my father as I'd planned and, although it seemed that he would like to, I could not ignore that conversation. I wondered about his actions today, about why he'd felt the need to have Jake there. I couldn't understand his motives at all and it was frustrating. Was he so desperate to avoid another fight that he'd roped Jake into it? Did he think that I could be so easily distracted? I had no answers, none of it made any sense.

So I changed my course, and thought about what I wanted to say to Jake. I wasn't sure that I was emotionally ready to face him again and I didn't have the faintest clue about how to approach another discussion with him. How would I be strong enough to deal with what he still felt for me? I really hoped it wouldn't come down to having to make good on my threat to cut him out of my life; I wasn't sure I could actually go through with it. Truthfully, I didn't want to even consider the possibility.

I sighed loudly; I couldn't seem to get a clear grasp on solutions to any of this. What I needed was to clear my mind, to think about something else for a while, or I would go mad. I needed happy thoughts.

As if on cue, the phone rang and it was Alice. Just hearing Alice's voice lifted my spirits. In her uncanny way, she seemed to sense that I needed a distraction and suggested dinner out. I was all too happy to accept and we decided to meet at one of her favourite restaurants in an hour.

As I got ready, I debated whether or not to share the afternoon's events with her. Although she would undoubtedly listen to my concerns about my father, I felt a sense of shame. I didn't want her to know that my family was not as accepting of Edward as her family was of me. And it would certainly be too awkward to tell her about what had happened with Jake. So, in the end, I decided that I would not mention any of it to her.

Over mojitos and some wonderful Mexican food, we discussed the reception that Alice was planning for us. Of course, her ideas were as grand as I'd expected.

"Alice, I don't really think we need Dom Perignon," I advised. "I think that less expensive champagne will do."

"How many times are you getting married, Bella? You have to do things right. If you're going to disagree with everything maybe I should just keep all the details to myself."

"Honey, I really appreciate all your hard work and I love your ideas," I tried again, "it's just that I don't think we need to spend our life's savings to have a wonderful party."

"Don't you worry about that, Edward can afford it," she joked.

Our discussion went on in this way, through three rounds of drinks, dinner, and desert. She had ideas about the venue, the flowers, the music and the décor. I had to laugh because she'd even set the date.

"Alice, don't you think we should discuss the date with Edward?" I asked.

"No, silly," she replied with a sly grin. "He'll just be there...when and where we tell him."

In the end, I had no doubt that my wedding reception would be exactly as Alice imagined it to be, and truthfully, I was comfortable with that; I knew it would be wonderful.

I only became concerned when the conversation turned to the subject of what she wanted me to wear. By this point we were back at my house, relaxing on the sofa with our second cups of coffee. It was getting late and it had been an emotional day, so when she pulled out a folder full of potential dresses for me to look at, I had to put an end to the evening. She refused to put the pile of pictures away, however, until I promised that we could talk about it again later in the week. I hugged Alice tightly at the door, then yawned as I shut it behind her and headed up to my bedroom. I wasn't sorry to put an end to the day.

Even though I was tired from all that had happened, my sleep was not peaceful. I tossed and turned and woke up many times during the night. Each time I awoke, I remembered dreaming but the pictures were so blurry that I couldn't piece them together. Finally, after lying in bed for an hour with my eyes wide open, I decided to get up. Though it was very early, staying in bed was doing me no good. I sat up, looking around the room and wondering what I should do first. I realized there was only one thing I really wanted, and that was to talk to Edward. I stared at the phone, debating whether I should call.

Although he would be terribly jetlagged and I should probably let him rest, I wanted to hear his voice. I dialled his number with a sense of excitement, but it went directly to voicemail. It was strange that he didn't answer; he was fanatical about having his phone on at all times, perhaps he had turned it off to get some rest. I decided to have a shower first and then try him again.

When I called the second time and he answered the phone, I couldn't help but smile. His voice was rough. I assumed he had been sleeping and I could picture him lying in bed, his hair in a wild mess, the sheets tangled around his legs. I felt guilty, though, for waking him. We'd agreed that he'd call me once he'd gotten some sleep and I hadn't been able to wait.

"Did I wake you?" I asked tentatively into the phone.

"Hi, Bella," he replied, sounding tired, "is everything OK?"

"Yes, of course it is," I said, a bit too eager to convince him. "I know we decided that you'd call me but I needed to hear your voice. I'm sorry I woke you."

"No, that's fine, I wasn't sleeping. I was going to call you soon. How was your day?"

I thought about my answer carefully before responding. I decided that I wouldn't burden him with the details of my visit to Charlie's or of my discussion with Jacob. We'd have plenty of time to talk about that later. And maybe all this would be resolved by the time I saw him in two weeks time.

I don't know what I was expecting but, as it turned out, our discussion was very generic. We talked about his flight, the hotel he was in, and the fact that he hadn't seen any of Madrid yet. I told him about my dinner with Alice and laughed as I recounted our discussions and her ideas about the party. Maybe it was because I was holding back the whole Charlie and Jake incident that our discussion felt different. He sounded tired and tense, like he had something on his mind, but I was sure that the jetlag must be to blame. We talked for a few minutes and after I hung up, I sat staring at the phone. For some reason that I really couldn't put my finger on, I felt strangely dissatisfied.

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****EPOV**

The flight to New York was long and the layover was exhausting, but the flight to Spain was nearly unbearable. During all those hours there was one thing on my mind. Well, two. I thought about Bella, of course, and how difficult it was to leave her and how much I would miss her. Her pretty face danced behind my eyelids whenever I closed my eyes to rest, and I could still hear her whispering goodbye softly in my ear.

But mostly my thoughts were focused on Charlie. His reaction to our marriage and the things he'd said to Bella during their argument consumed my mind. I looked at the situation from every possible angle trying to figure out where he was coming from. But no matter how much I dwelled on it, I could not understand his feelings. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

I knew that I hadn't made an effort with Charlie, hadn't spent time with him or asked for his daughter's hand, for that matter. But I couldn't believe that it was simply a matter of him hating me, after all, he hardly knew me. There had to be another reason, something I didn't understand. I needed to figure out what had caused him to be so vehemently against our marriage. Until I had an answer to that, it would be near impossible to figure out what I could do to change his mind.

During the long cab ride from the airport I had decided that I couldn't wait any longer to speak to Charlie. Once I got to my hotel room, I dropped my bags in the corner, barely noticing what the room looked like, and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I stared at it, mentally calculating what time it would be in the US and was frustrated to realize that it was still too early to call him.

I looked around for something to do that would kill some time. I supposed I could try to get some sleep since I'd gotten very little on the all-night flight, but I was worked up and couldn't even think about lying down. Seeing the suitcases piled in the corner, I decided I might as well unpack. I rarely ever unpacked when I was on the road but I needed something to do and that was all I could think of at the moment. As I picked up the first shirt from the pile, I smiled, recalling how Bella had insisted that I should hang up my clothes carefully in each city so they wouldn't get wrinkled. Unpacking wasn't fun, but it helped to pass the time. I worked methodically, hanging my clothes as neatly as I knew how. When I reached the bottom of the suitcase I found a note that made me smile again.

_If you mention finding this note the next time we talk, _

_I will know that you actually unpacked your bags like I asked you to!_

_No husband of mine should be walking around Europe in wrinkled clothes!_

_I love you and I miss you already! _

_Bella xxx_

I sat down on the bed and stared at the note. How she had gotten that note into my suitcase was a mystery since I'd packed my bags. But that was Bella...where there was a will, she found a way. I looked at the piece of paper with her tiny scrawl across it. This was the Bella I loved, the happy and playful woman I'd married. Right now, however, she was sad and I couldn't stand for it any longer. I needed to sort this out with Charlie quickly.

I stood up and walked towards my phone, laying the note down on the night stand. I knew that Charlie was an early riser and, since I'd run out of patience, I dialled his number immediately.

"Hello." His voice was clear when he answered and I knew immediately that he had not been asleep. I could imagine him standing in the small kitchen with his fishing gear on.

"Hello, Charlie," I said tentatively. "It's Edward."

For a split second, there was nothing but silence and I could hear the soft static of the line that connected our two countries. It was almost as if I could feel his tension, although I'm sure some of it was just my own.

"Hi, Edward," he finally responded. "Is everything alright?"

I thought about that for a second. I knew what he was asking and, in the strictest of interpretations, the answer was yes. Everyone was safe; there was no emergency and nothing to worry about. But in my world, in my current reality, things were not alright.

"Everyone is fine, Charlie," I began. "I'm actually calling you from Spain. I realize it's early there but I need to talk to you about what happened the other night at our place." I figured it would be easier to get right to the point.

I heard him take a deep breath. "Look, Edward, I don't want to be rude, but as I already told you, this really is between me and Bella."

"This is about the three of us, Charlie."

"No," he insisted in a stronger voice, "this is about my family. It's about Bella and what's best for her."

I swallowed, biting back a harsh retort. I had to remind myself that Bella had been his only family since the divorce and that his personal life had revolved around her even more so since her mother's death. Arguing with him at this point would not help the situation.

"Charlie," I tried again, "I know that you don't really know me, that we don't really know each other, but you have to understand that I love Bella and I only want what's best for her."

"Oh, Edward, you hardly know her," he replied in a frustrated voice, almost as if he were tired of our discussion already. "And you certainly don't know what's best for her."

"How can you say that?" I shot back in a voice that was angrier and louder than I'd wanted it to be.

There was silence again, probably because he wasn't expecting my outburst.

"You met her six months ago when she was going through a very difficult time," he began. "The Bella you met is the one she became during that time. She was hurting and looking to get away from everyone and everything. She wanted to be a different person. She was behaving very unlike herself, very unlike the Bella I know."

"People change," I said more quietly, working to control my emotions. "She's a grown woman who can make her own decisions."

"Edward," he responded with a sigh, "What do you really know about Bella, about her life? What do you know about who she was and what her life was like before you met her? Do you know what she had planned for herself? Do you understand that everything that's happened in the past few months doesn't make sense with the dreams that she often talked about?"

I interrupted him. "I don't see what it has to do with our marriage, Charlie. The past is the past and we're building a future."

"I didn't want to get into this with you," he said, almost as if he were speaking to himself.

"Did you know that she was all set to marry Jake before she met you?" he asked, pausing as if for an answer although I knew it was a rhetorical question.

"Six months ago she wanted to marry Jake, Edward," he enunciated each word carefully. "She loved him and wanted to spend her life with him. She was absolutely set on marriage. She had it planned; it was what she dreamed about. But she was ready and he wasn't, that's why they broke up. Her heart was broken; she knew she wouldn't get what she wanted from him. And then she met you."

He stopped there; his point was loud and clear even though his voice had been soft. He thought that she had married me because she wanted to marry someone...anyone. She was hurt and looking to fulfil her dream, and I had come along at the right time.

My heart sank and my mind raced. I tried to recall our discussions, to remember something that she may have said that I could repeat to Charlie now. But there was nothing. She had told me that her relationship with Jacob had ended because they'd drifted apart, wanted different things. Her story had never included any hint of marriage. I had assumed that their decision to break up was mutual; I didn't understand how broken her heart was.

I felt the breath rush out of me, almost like I'd been punched in the stomach. I sank down onto the bed and, without saying another word, I hung up the phone.

When it rang again a few minutes later, I was still sitting on the bed. I hadn't moved since my discussion with Charlie and I thought it might be him calling back since I'd hung up on him earlier. I looked over at the call display and saw that it was Bella. I froze in place, staring at her name and the picture of her lovely face which, since I'd added it to my contacts list, appeared each time she called. I was confused and hurt and I didn't want to speak to her in that moment, so I let it go to voicemail. I needed time to think this information through before I could speak to my wife.

Charlie's assertion rolled around in my head. Over and over I heard him say the words he hadn't actually spoken out loud, that I'd been Bella's second choice. The rational part of me wouldn't believe it. Sure, our relationship had moved quickly, but it was strong. The emotional part of me, however, was wounded and wondered whether any part of this could be true.

I lay back on the bed, trying to decide how to discuss this with Bella. I needed to understand the truth, to hear the words directly from her. I needed to know that what Charlie believed was not the reality. Almost an hour passed and I was no closer to coming to terms with what I had just heard. The only decision I had made was that this discussion needed to happen in person. Although it would weigh heavily on my mind for the duration of the two weeks before I saw Bella, I would wait. We needed to talk face to face, I needed to look into her eyes and hear the words directly from her lips.

When the phone rang again, I saw it was Bella calling for the second time. I took a deep breath and answered it.


	9. Ch 8 Differing Truths

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks to Celeste and Cougar for their help, support and unending encouragement! They are the best and I'm so lucky that they continue to help me! Luv you ladies!

I must apologize for the length of time between chapters...sometimes RL takes over, even when you don't want it to.

So, if you recall, our Bella's got a problem...and she needs to start dealing with it or it's going to get out or hand. She's ready to share what happened next in her story.

Your comments and reviews are very much appreciated...so please let me know what you think!

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****Differing Truths**

Several days had passed and I had ignored countless phone calls since that afternoon at Charlie's. Instead of speaking to my dad or to Jacob, I had made the decision to throw myself into my work. The good news was that this self-imposed workaholic behaviour had netted me some good progress in my writing; the bad news, I was stressed and grumpy. Other than a few calls to Edward, I hadn't left the house or spoken to anyone. I looked around my small office; I was tired of working even though it was still early morning. My mind raced as I considered what to do next.

Sighing, I got up from my desk and headed down to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup. As I descended the stairs, I looked around. Being alone in the house wasn't helping me any. I missed Edward. Of course, I would be seeing him again soon and just the thought of my visit to Spain made me happy. I smiled to myself, imagining him waiting for me at the airport, the feel of his body against mine in a tight embrace and the touch of his soft lips. But, as had become my habit in the last few days, I felt a tightness around my heart when I thought of him.

Our most recent phone calls had been different; a subtle tension had permeated our discussions. As I poured my coffee, I chastised myself under my breath. I told myself that he was busy and tired and the time difference made it hard to have long meaningful discussions. Or maybe he just sensed my stress and that's why our conversations seemed unusual. There was probably a simple logical reason and I was making this bigger than it needed to be. Maybe I'd become so accustomed to the recent drama in my life that I saw it everywhere at this point. _That's me, Bella the Drama Queen,_ I thought, and laughed softly in spite of myself.

The loud ring of the phone startled me, interrupting my thoughts. I looked at the call display and, predictably, saw Jacob's name. He'd called half a dozen times in the last couple of days and I had chosen not to answer any of them. I needed more time to prepare myself for whatever he had to say. Jake hadn't left any messages and, because I knew him so well, I understood what that meant. He didn't want to rely on me calling him back; he wanted to have the upper hand in the conversation. He needed to be in control. The phone stopped ringing and I sighed, it was only a matter of time before he would give up on the calls and come over to the house. Suddenly I felt anxious. Jake was not one to stand by when he wanted something and obviously he wanted to talk to me. He must be running out of patience and I could imagine him sitting on my porch until I let him in.

Impulsively, I put down my coffee, grabbed my purse and keys from the table in the hall and headed out the front door. I still hadn't spoken to Charlie and I wanted to do that before I saw Jake again. _No time like the present,_ I told myself. As I got in the car, I did a mental calculation to figure out where I'd find Charlie at this time of day. He would definitely be at that station by now and that worried me a little. Having a personal conversation at the police station could prove to be a challenge but, at the same time, it may also be to my advantage. After all, Charlie would be captive in his office.

I headed out towards town hoping that he wasn't out on a call. I chuckled softly. In such a small town there were few situations that required the Chief of Police to be present; Charlie's deputy took care of most of the routine stuff. It took a while to get to town but the roads were clear and it gave me time to think. When I was only a few blocks away I stopped at a coffee shop. I figured that bringing Charlie some coffee was a good way to break the ice. Now that I was so close to my destination, my nerves were getting the best of me but there was no turning back. I parked the car in the visitor's part of the lot and, grabbing my purse and the coffee, I headed inside.

"Bella! What a lovely surprise!"

I looked up to see Mrs. White, the office receptionist who'd been at the station for as long as I could remember, staring at me with a huge grin on her face.

"Hello, Mrs. White," I replied, "good to see you again. Is my father in?"

"Of course he is dear, and he'll be delighted to see you!" She stood up and walked around her desk, arms outstretched to give me a hug. Somehow I doubted that Charlie would be delighted that I had decided to drop in on him unexpectedly but I wasn't about to mention that to the friendly receptionist.

She walked me to his door, knocked gently and announced to Charlie that he had a visitor. She let me in and, with a small exchange of pleasantries, shut the door behind me. My father, expecting a business visitor, stood behind his desk, a small welcoming grin on his face. It faltered ever so slightly when he saw me but he composed himself fairly quickly.

I looked around. Charlie's office hadn't changed much since I was a little girl. His desk, a mahogany monstrosity that had seen better days, sat in the very middle of the room facing the door. It was piled high with paperwork that Charlie was reluctant to file. He'd often told me that he liked to have everything at his fingertips and that, even though it may look like a disorganized mess to others, he knew exactly where everything was. As a kid, I had tried to use my knowledge of his disorganized nature to avoid cleaning my room but I rarely got away with it. In front of the desk were two blue chairs that I knew from personal experience were not very comfortable. I think Charlie preferred it that way - uncomfortable chairs meant that visitors didn't stay too long.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie said in a cheery voice I wasn't expecting. He had already composed himself after the initial shock of my surprise visit. In his line of work he needed to be calm and collected in any situation and, in most instances, he was good at controlling his emotions. But I knew that dealing with me was the one exception to that ability and the Charlie I was seeing right now would be a lot less composed by the time we finished our little chat.

"Hi Dad," I replied in a slightly tense voice that betrayed my calm exterior, "I brought you some coffee."

"That's great, thanks sweetheart. So, were you just passing through town, running errands?" There was that cheery voice again, but this time I could hear a bit of trepidation.

"No, Dad, I came specifically to see you. We need to talk and since we weren't able to do that out at the house the other day, I thought we could talk today."

He looked at me suspiciously, perhaps trying to gage my level of emotion and whether I was prepared to make a scene if he refused to speak to me. Convinced that I appeared fairly calm, he continued, "Bella, this isn't the place for personal discussions."

"Then where is the place, Dad? I tried to talk to you at your house and you invited Jacob. I don't think you'd be motivated you to come to my place anytime soon, so that leaves here. I need to talk to you alone and," I looked pointedly at the closed door, "what better place?"

He stared at me for another second and then sighed in defeat and sat down. He pointed to the chair in front of the desk indicating that I should probably have a seat too. Charlie was a great police officer who could deal with the conflict of others without batting an eyelash but when it came to his own life he preferred to stick his head in the sand in hopes that the situation would just go away. Well, I wasn't going away. This was too important to me and I wasn't leaving without answers.

I walked towards the desk, putting his coffee in front of him and sitting down in the closest chair, confirming what I already knew about the level of comfort it would offer. Charlie continued to stare at me, his eyes steady but his mind going a mile a minute. I could almost see the pictures moving behind his eyes, the discussion at my house replaying itself in his mind followed by what I perceived to be his guilt at bringing Jacob into it the other day. To most people, Charlie was a mystery, a quiet man full of secrets. But if you knew where to look, and after all these years I certainly did, his thoughts were fairly clear in his eyes. He wasn't an open book by any means but it was there if you paid attention.

"Dad," I began, "what's going on?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and raised his hand questioningly towards me as if to say "you tell me". I sighed.

"Dad, you've got to talk to me. I don't know what's going on here." I looked him straight in the eye, hoping for a reaction but got nothing in return so I continued. "I don't understand why you are so against my marriage to Edward. You never acted this way while we were dating, never mentioned not liking him. I feel like you've done a complete turnaround."

"That was different." He interrupted me more forcefully than I expected.

"What was different?"

"Dating and marriage are different, Bella. This thing was just a fling, I didn't see it getting serious and I thought…" he trailed off, seeming as if he didn't quite know how to continue.

I took a deep breath, trying to hold back the snarky comments that were on the tip of my tongue. I was finally getting him to speak to me and I needed to be patient enough to hear the whole story. I nodded my head in his direction, indicating that he should continue.

His whole body shook and I knew that he was tapping the heel of his foot on the floor, a nervous habit of his that I recognized easily, having seen it many times growing up. His foot would always tap when he was in an uncomfortable situation, like when we'd had the sex talk or when he was trying to find out if I'd was smoking or drinking as a teen. It was a great tell and I always knew when a conversation was particularly difficult for him; this one definitely fit the bill.

"Bella," he began, softly this time, "I know this has been a very difficult year for you. I know you were disappointed by Jake. When you came home with him, with Edward, I didn't say anything because I understood you were trying to let go of the past. I thought that in all likelihood it was meaningless, that it would last a few weeks and be over. You're a very logical girl, I knew you'd get things figured out, come to your senses; see what's right for you. I had no doubt that you and Jake would work things out."

He paused, picking up his coffee and taking a sip. He looked up at me and seemed to sense I needed more. "So," he continued, "this wedding thing shocked the heck out of me. I can't believe I didn't see it coming and blame myself for not stepping in sooner."

It was one of the longest speeches I'd ever heard Charlie make, and if I hadn't been so baffled and angered by what I'd just heard, I might have told him so. Instead I stared at him, disbelief colouring my expression, my mouth opening and closing but no words escaping. I almost laughed out loud when he took my silence as an opportunity to continue speaking, how unlike Charlie.

"You and I both know that you're meant to be with Jake. You two were together for so long, you were happy for so many years. What happened between you was just miscommunication, pure and simple. It happens all the time in relationships. You were ready for something that he wasn't but that didn't mean you had to give up. And Jacob hasn't given up; he still loves you, Bells. And I know you still love him. So, this thing with Edward, I don't understand how you let it go so far. Why didn't you stop it before it got out of control?"

I continued to stare at him, mouth gaping now. I was shocked to see that his eyes were sincere, glistening with emotion. Somehow I knew that in that moment he truly believed everything he'd just said. He believed that my marriage to Edward was a mistake, a rebound, and that he'd let me down by not pointing it out to me sooner. He believed that Jake and I should be together and that I'd given up on our relationship too soon. I stood up and paced around the small office, my hands in fists at my sides and my eyes glued to the worn carpet as I tried to take control of my emotions. I didn't even know where to begin, not without starting a fight anyway. I continued to pace and Charlie was quiet for a long time.

Finally, I went back to the chair and sat on the very edge, putting my hands on the desk in front of me palms down, fingers splayed wide as if to support myself. I looked up at my father and his face was genuine, open and almost sad. I could see that in a way he was mourning my relationship with Jacob. Charlie and I had never truly talked about the break up and, obviously, he'd never come to terms with it. Maybe this is where I needed to start.

"Dad," I began, "you know that Jake and I are over, right? That decision was made a long time ago, probably even before we actually broke up."

He furrowed his brow. "Bella, I can't believe that you can turn off your feelings for Jake just like that!" He snapped his fingers to indicate the instantaneous nature of my actions as he saw them. "Jake still loves you and you loved him for so many years. You planned your whole life with him, Bells. How could you have forgotten about him and fallen in love with Edward so quickly? How is that possible?"

It was like a bolt of lightning had hit me. The realization that he truly didn't understand my situation even though he'd lived through it became crystal clear. My father had loved my mother from the moment he'd met her. Even though they had been divorced, he'd secretly never given up hope and he probably loved her still even though she'd passed away. He had tried hard to mend their relationship and it had been my mother who had finally given it up for dead. She'd left him, she'd moved on and, in his mind, he was watching me do the same thing. He was projecting his hurt and anger onto my situation. He had been the "Jake" in his story and he was trying to make it turn out differently this time around. I was breaking his heart.

I gasped as all the pieces fell together in my mind. I was hurting my father like my mother had hurt him. Although it wasn't a direct hit, and nowhere near as agonizing, I was making him relive the saddest time in his life, making him watch a familiar painful story. I stood up again, more confused than ever, and feeling an emotion I hadn't anticipated feeling...sadness.

I stood up and paced the room again while Charlie stared down at his desk. He had put all his cards out on the table and I didn't know where on earth we would go next. Surely he didn't understand all the connections I'd made yet but he certainly felt vulnerable after everything he'd told me.

"Dad," I started, turning to look at him, "you're right, I do love Jake. He was a part of my life for a very long time. But, I'm not in love with him. Things were mostly good when we were together but we had our problems and now I'm happier than I've ever been. I am in love with Edward, totally and truly in love." I walked back and sat in the uncomfortable chair once again. "Dad, please look at me. Jake and I didn't have what we needed to make it work. He's holding on to the past and it's not healthy. I know you want what's best for me but it's not what you are convinced of. Edward is what's best for me. He makes me feel happy and safe and excited about the future."

Charlie had looked up half way through my speech and was slowly shaking his head from side to side. He couldn't or wouldn't accept what I was saying, at least not in this moment and I wondered if we'd gone far enough for one day. He looked tired and I felt exhausted all of a sudden.

"Bella, listen to me. I saw how you looked at Jacob the other day. You still have feelings for him, this isn't truly over. I think this whole Edward thing was your way of locking up your hurt and disappointment at not getting what you wanted from Jacob, I truly do. I think you went head first into this relationship to try to forget Jake and I think that getting married filled the void you felt you had. And, that's what I told him the other day when he called, I had to be honest."

It was as if the world stood still for a moment. My mind painted a picture I didn't want to believe. Had Charlie spoken to Edward or was I just misunderstanding?

"Who did you tell that to, Dad?" I asked quietly and then held my breath.

"Edward," he replied. "He called the other morning to have this exact same discussion, so I told him the same thing I'm telling you."

I knew he was talking but my ears began ringing so loudly after I heard Edward's name that I didn't understand another word he said. My mind was a jumble of thoughts…he had spoken to Edward and told him that I still loved Jake; he told him that I married him on the rebound…he told him Jake still loved me. And Edward had been different these past few days…

The ringing in my ears got louder and louder, my breathing was heavy and I felt almost dizzy. I looked at my father as tears began pouring down my face. He'd stopped talking now and the expression on his face told me he was confused by my reaction. I shook my head and closed my eyes trying to refocus.

Then, without another word I grabbed my purse and ran from the room.


End file.
